My babies!

Yes, I bought the dogs a toy hamster. They really didn't know what to think about it!

Do you smell it?

Ahhhh, this Texas weather is really getting to me. YES, I know… I’m from here, I’ve lived here most of my life, so I should be used to this stuff! I’m not. I love spring … we didn’t really have one this year. This year I took over the planting of the flowers in our yard. This was not a small undertaking, but I just could not see paying the gardener when it's something I love doing(he can keep mowing though!). Plus, I wanted to make the decisions about what went in. So, I planted. I planted for our neighbor as well! Everything was beautiful until May 1st. That's when the temperatures began hitting 100 degress or above and it has since been relentless. I pulled my poor flowers yesterday... which took forever. I'm hoping Fall temps will hit soon so I can get my pansies in, but I am REALLY looking forward to Fall regardless! Pumpkin pies, roasting pumpkin seeds, homemade applesauce, and the smell of other good things cooking! Windows open to a slow, crisp breeze, the sounds of football in the background, and “snack food” Saturdays… or Sundays now. I was never really into pro football, so we would have our big football watching days on Saturday. We LOVE the Auburn Tigers and Texas Aggies! This Friday is “wear your colors proud day,” by the way! Anyway, the wife loves her Cowboys, so “snack food” days have been moved to Sundays.

Tomorrow, the wife’s company has its first softball game of the fall season. I started out playing the summer season, but I was HORRIBLE, so I begged to be left off the roster and made friends with the people in the stands. Don’t get me wrong, the whole team was comparable to the Bad News Bears. We had a few token players… the young guys and one college girl. We had the cute gay man who ran the bases screaming with his arms flailing (Hey, he hit the ball, he can do as he pleases!). Regardless, they improved greatly and came in third place in the league! This was quite impressive for a team that had only just begun. My hope is they do just as well this season… we’ve lost the college girl to college and I am now playing. It will be fun… uh huh. I can do this! ::sigh:: If you don’t get another blog for awhile, it’s probably because I broke something trying to be sporty!

Happy Fall, just in case? ;) What's your favorite season?

RIP Santa Clause

We attended a high school football game in the town we lived in before we moved to Dallas. It was good seeing a few of the people I once worked with and parents’ of the children I taught. Our girl wanted to watch the boy she has a crush on play football. He was the kicker, and I must say, he did a great job!

We found crush-boy’s mom during the 4th quarter and moved to sit closer to them. This woman is actually the aunt and she is raising all of her brother’s kid due to personal issues. The youngest is 6 years old and is quite precocious. I was showing her how to use the iPad when she looked at me quite seriously and said “Did you know Santa Clause died?” Now please picture a cute little white-blonde child with blue eyes and glasses. I asked her who told her that and she said no one did… that she just knows. She then told me Rudolph died too. I asked her when all of this happened and she said “Ummmm, in 2007!”

So, this blog is in memory of Santa Clause and Rudolph who have apparently been gone since 2007. I am so saddened by this loss as this Christmas I was planning on asking for something spectacular! Oh well… We will miss you Santa and Rudolph!!

Phone Conversation-It's the simple Things

Phone conversation:

Wife: I’m leaving Austin now… I’ll make my usual stop for gasoline and restroom break and should be home in a few hours.

Me: Okay, be safe. OH, and will you get me a 3 Musketeer bar?

Wife: A 3 Musketeer? Baby, really? It’s late.

Me: I didn’t say I would eat it tonight.

Wife: If you aren’t eating it tonight, then why do you want me to get it?

Me: Well, I might eat it tonight or I might put it in the bedside table. Sometimes it feels good to have it there just in case.

Wife: The bedside table? What’s in the bedside table now?

Me: Nothing baby… that’s why I want the 3 Musketeer… and it’s low fat! Only 6 grams and 60 calories!

Wife: What was in the bedside table then?

Me: Honnneeeyyyy, does it really matter? The point is, right now there is nothing in there except the usual stuff.

Wife: What was in there before baby?

Me: Ughhh… okay I had a small teeny package of oreos, peanut m&m’s, and a Reeses Peanut butter cup. BUT, it took me days to go through that

Wife: Hmmm… Okay, but I do NOT want to hear it when you start to feel guilty for eating this stuff!

Me: Well, you know you’ll hear it eventually, but you willwith anything I eat. May as well be worth it!

Wife: Okay then… I love you and will see you in a few hours.

Me: I lovvvvvvveeee you too!

The human side...

Hello out there in Blogland… that word combination has totally confused my Microsoft program!

Blogs have been few and far between while I’ve been getting re-acquainted with lesson planning. My brain is so strange lately (meaning I can only focus on one thing at a time).

SO, I wanted to discuss blogs and their purpose. Why do we do it? Why do I do it?
I created my blog for one reason and honestly it wasn’t intended to be a diary of my insecurities, yet at times, that is exactly what it is. I share feelings that would perhaps be more fitting in a personal diary, but the feedback I get when I’m having a rough time of it, really helps. You never know, maybe someone just like me is reading it and feeling a bit better because they are also being helped. Maybe!

My blog purpose was simple… I wanted to show people that though we are not the typical family (two women raising kids, dogs, and a cat), we are just like other families (maybe even yours) in so many ways. We love, we laugh, we play, we disagree, we cause and rid insecurities within each other, we want our kids to have the best of everything and we want to be recognized as the wonderful people we can be.

The reason I’m stating my blog purpose is because I’m about to step away once again, and venture into something I’ve avoided. I haven’t wanted to put anyone off, but no worries, this will be a one-time thing. It’s just something to think about.

The Rights of Others:

I carefully watch and read everything when it comes to gay/lesbian rights, activities, blah, blah, blah. There are times when I’ll hold onto a story for weeks before I read it because I know what type of reaction I’ll have. This is no way to live… it’s hard to read stories about couples who have been torn apart due to lack of rights… one man missed his partner’s last days due to a hospital decision to keep them apart because they weren’t “family.” Those men were together for over 20 years (maybe longer?). Gays/lesbians aren’t allowed to foster children in some states, they can’t adopt in others. There are so many children out there in the foster care system, and there are people who believe they are better off there than with gays/lesbians. The average Joe off the street can vote on whether or not Gays/lesbians can marry. Why is this acceptable? Why should someone who has no idea who I am, have the right tell me who I can marry? Why does a stranger get the right to push their idea of morality on me, yet I don’t get the right to marry who I choose?

So, I read the stories… the fights, the hate-crimes, the injustice and inhumane treatment that can never be corrected or taken back. I read the studies that have been manipulated to fit the needs of the person conducting them… the bible quotes that are also manipulated to fit the needs of the “followers…” followers, not true Christians… I read all of it, and I hurt. I hurt because I just want to be treated with kindness and respect. I want my family to be recognized as the beautiful, amazing people we are and not judged and condemned because we don’t believe and live as “you” (used universally) live.

We’re human and we’re good, we love each other, and there is nothing we wouldn’t do to help a fellow neighbor/friend. God doesn’t hate us… at least not our God. I would never worship a God that encouraged hate among the followers. God is about love,peace, giving more than you receive, and learning to find your way when you’ve gone astray. I don’t think God hates that the way we’ve finally found has led us to a true and endearing love.

The End ;)

It's alive, It's alive!

Back to work, back to school, back to home-cooked meals, back to scheduled laundry days, scheduled grocery days,and back to routine. I'm a creature of habit. I like my habits, I like my routine, I like my life when the boat is steadily rocking to a beat I've created!

It creates a sense of relief and sends a calm through the air that I cannot blog into reality, or ingest in the form of a pill. It's a calm that comes with plain, boring, predictability. I LOVE it... call me boring, tell me I have no sense of adventure... I don't care. THIS feels good!

The kids went back to school Monday and I have gone to work teaching kindergarten. I only work half days which is wonderful all by itself, but this is the most amazingly stress free job I've ever had. I know, I know.. I've only been doing it for a few days, but these kids are so well behaved and so far ahead of the game, that I'm able to create a learning environment that is relaxing and fun. They will go far this year!!

As for my own children, I'm having a huge amount of guilt for not taking their pictures their first day of school. I think this is the first year I haven't done that! Now please remember they are in 7th and 11th grade, but still, I've been remiss. I also didn't follow the tradition of making them a special after school treat on their first day of school, though I think I know the reasoning behind that one. I was desperate to get that after-school routine set. We get home around 12:30, they make their own lunch and do their homework while I write, lesson plan, and take care of my house-wife duties. We all meet up again around 4:30 or 5 when I head down to cook dinner. We eat together, play a game or watch some favorite television shows together, and then we all head to our bedrooms around 10. It's perfect... it's working, and I figure I'll make a special treat when they get back
from their dad's house Sunday night.

Now I suppose I should go. I want to get a few minutes of peaceful rest in before we head to Fort Worth. We're meeting two friends for dinner. This has been a great week because we were able to spend time with two other friends last night as well! I hope everyone has a terrific Thursday evening!

On Religion

Okay, so maybe this will be a no-no type of blog because so many people have such strong beliefs, but keep in mind when I blog this, I'm not attacking God, I'm not discounting the importance of a higher being... I'm just blogging out the strife that exists in a household with four people who go different directions when it comes to beliefs.

I believe. I try to live a good life. I want to give back more than I get and there are times I do and times I don't. I was going to church but it's not been a regular routine. I really don't want to go to church. I can pray (and I have), I can believe (and I do), and I can live the right way without going in to a building and being preached to.There are times I have a desire to go to church to meet others and to participate in different activities such as Habitat for Humanity projects.

I do admit that my aversion toward the followers hasn't been as "hidden" as it should. Meaning my kids... The girl really hasn't been touched by my aversion. She wants to go to church and I encourage it. I want her in a youth group, meeting kids her own age, going on mission trips, and "finding" herself (if she thinks church will help with this). I want the same for the boy, but he unfortunately has combined my aversion toward the followers with his fathers non-belief and I can't accept that. SO he gets mixed messages.

The wife believes the typical creation theory and having Jesus Christ in your heart... okay, so he's in your heart... is he in your life? Do you ask yourself every day "What would Jesus do?" Because as a person who tries hard to avoid hypocrisy, I'm going to be honest and say no... I don't ask myself that. No one can do exactly what Jesus would do. If there was a homeless person on the street and I did what Jesus would do and took him in, I would be putting myself and my family in danger. So no... I dont DWJWD at all times.Do I believe Jesus to be the son of God... I believe he was someone very special and that it's a strong possibility. For him to have spread the word and touched as many people as he did in a time with no internet, no mail, and no way to communicate without setting out on foot... it amazes me. I don't discount that.

I believe in a higher being... I have faith(I have so much faith), I also believe in evolution. We're evolving everyday. Evolution takes thousands of years. We won't "see" it. It's science... I LOVE science because it solves the puzzles of life. Life is a puzzle. I don't think all of this came from two people,and then again ONE family... you know after God flooded the world and started over with a male and female of everything and ONE family. So because I haven't delved deeply enough into this, I can't tell you where that puts me on the spectrum of believers as far as others go. I have no idea. All I know for sure is that I cannot have my son go around thinking he's an athiest or agnostic.

Seriously... I didn't raise him like that. I worked in a church for 10 years and they attended regularly. I started taking them to another church when he was 8 and even back then he was telling me I was pushing my religious beliefs on him. I told him then and I told him last night that he doesn't have the experience to base any type of belief or non-belief on. The problem is, he thinks Christians are hypocrits. I'll give him that... but he's lumping a group of people, and as I've explained to him, that's not fair. He's taking a group and lumping them into one point of view... I told him that this is what people do to his family. He said yes... "That's what Christians do to our family." So there you have it.

My dilemma now is to decide whether I should make him go to church. Maybe I should take him to different places of worship... Christian, Buddhism, something different? I don't want him to go through life not knowing what it's like to have faith in something higher. That's his father. I want more for my son. He's bright, and funny, and has so much potential. Is it wrong of me to want him to have faith in a higher being?

SO all of this is coming from what I guess was a major discussion last night on the way home from the school. My daughter wants to go to church, Gabe says he's an athiest and the wife starts talking about creationism which set me off. SO now the wife is mad because I told her that she needed to live a Christian life if she was going to be spouting that stuff. Basically I called her a hypocrit in front ofthe kids which I shouldn't have done, but I've got a kid in the back seat who doesn't believe and the creationism talk isn't going to help at all with him. He's a facts and figures kid. Creationism doesn't add up giving him more reason to NOT believe. I was frustrated!!!! So, I'm sorry for calling her that. It was wrong... she doesn't walk around preaching what she doesn't do herself. I just kept asking her to stop talking about it and she wouldn't.The girl will go along with whatever the wife says, so I never have any worries about her as far as that goes. If I thought for a second that the boy would take to creationism, then I'm all for it. I don't want him to believe what I believe, I just want him to believe in something.

I wanna be... Imma Be

I wanna be a billionaire... Well, maybe I'd settle for a star. You know, famous... like the guy who sings the billionaire song (me not knowing his name doesn't make him less famous... I'm not in the loop so to speak). I know Fergie sings "Imma Be" because she's a hot commodity in our house.

Anyway... Last night we took the kids to the American Idol concert tour. The girl loved it, the boy had fun. One of the singers had his whole family sitting right behind us, and what was so funny about that was that people were coming up and asking the family members for their autographs. Not just kids, but adults too!

I enjoyed watching this group of about seven 12 year olds. Every time one of the singers came to the end of the stage or the cameraman rolled his camera their way, they'd all scream in their high pitched way and wave crazily. I started talking to the mom who brought them and she said she couldn't get another parent to come along with them. I think that's pretty sad because they had such a great time. What parent wouldn't want to share that with their child and their child's friends? I have to give that mom kudos. Those kids will remember that for a long time. My kids enjoyed it but I think my daughter will remember her birthday gift of Lady GaGa tickets longer than the American Idol concert, and the boy... I don't know. I'm not sure we've impressed him thus far with the concerts we've taken him to. I do know he really enjoyed The Lion King in New York though, so I guess that's something!

Okay, time for me to get to bed. I spent the day getting my classroom ready... Just a few more things to wrap up for tomorrow then I'm ready for next week!!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My Family

More peaceful times:



I love my family and realized I very rarely blog about them. I think my blog has become a forum for my emotions because the only time I write is when I’m pms’ing or when the wife is out of town (which seems to bring on a whole different type of pms).

It’s time for a change. The wife is sitting right next to me and thankfully I am NOT pms’ing right now. It seems like menopause has made pms ten thousand times worse (I’m sure the wife would agree ). Anyway, tonight I’m blogging about my family. How can I not. They are so comedic. If I could blog most of what goes on around here, I would have quite the following!

Tonight, I’ll share a few quotes…

On safety as spoken by the wife: "Sweetheart, I'm NOT pulling off the highway in Oak Cliff so the dog can go to the restroom. Let’s try to distract her ( starts baby talking to dog).

On friendship as spoken by myself: "Honeyyyy, we don't threaten our friends with bats. Is this why no one calls me?"

On Life as spoken by the girl: "I go by the book, the good book, you know… the bible(said in extremely southern accent).

On reverse de ja vue as spoken by the boy. “Wow, I feel like I’ve never done this before.”

Now for a funny story…
The wife and I agreed to keep a friend’s dog for her while they were out of town. Keep in mind, we already have three dogs. .. a very old one, a very loud one, and a very small one. Oh, and let’s not forget the cat. We can’t forget the major player in the chaos that ensued! So, Abby gets dropped off at our house while the wife is out to dinner with a new employee. There was chaos because as soon as our friend left, Abby started barking (I’ve discovered that dogs really are like children). Callie May started barking louder and Calvin joined in just because he’s deaf and had no idea what was happening. All the while Tallulah Jane was jumping around all of them like a little rabbit.

Later in the evening, the wife is trying to get ready for bed. While she’s changing, she is reassuring me things will calm down once the dogs adjust to each other. Right about this time, the cat wanders in to the bedroom. Abby goes nuts barking, the cat starts screaming, Callie,Tallulah,and Abby are jumping around like crazy and the wife suddenly yells “Look Abby, a naked woman!” She then proceeds to jump up and down. I can honestly tell you that I actually think it worked. My mouth dropped open, and the dogs stopped barking. Then I recovered…. “Honnnneyy?!?!? Why don’t you jump around like that for me?”These are the kinds of things we do out of desperation for peace I guess!

Cafe Brazil Gossip

I had to escape the craziness of the house for awhile so I thought I’d try Café Brazil out. I want to see how productive I can be here. So far I’ve gotten all kinds of stuff to blog about, but have yet to work on my current writing project. I think I’m a bit over-stimulated… I’m drinking Dr. Pepper which I try to stay away from and listening to about ten different conversations at once… my mind is spinning!!

As soon as I got here I noticed the very odd family sitting next to me. I couldn’t help it… the little boy started screaming because he dripped water on himself and he wouldn’t stop because he could still see it on his shirt. He needs a bit of therapeutic intervention which is something my business idea could provide to him if it were to come to fruition! I guess his daddy gave him a bit of therapy. He picked him up by his arm along with his sister (I’m not sure what I missed there) and carried them both out. The little boy was biting at his dad’s pant leg on the way out.

In the meantime, the waitress is seating a couple next to me. The man is very loud. The first thing he says is that he’s glad they didn’t seat them on the other side because “those two ladies scared him.” I looked over and wanted to tell him he was no portrait of beauty himself. I refrained, but wouldn’t life be more exciting if you could just let it all out? Seriously, I bet I’d have a whole different type of blog!
So the man continues to be obnoxious, the kids come back in with their dad but the boy is dragged back out again, and the mother of the kids shushes the girls with her hand… and yells at them to lower the volume. My brain is totally fried now, BUT the wife is joining me and this makes me very happy!

Comment Response :)

I decided to blog my response to the comment on my last blog because I do tend to rattle on at times. Much too much for a comment response!

We just got a new car… a red convertible, creamy leather interior, all the bells and whistles. The wife calls it her midlife crisis… I think this is what I’m having…a midlife crisis. I’ve come to this conclusion after reading Anita’s comment, talking to others around my age, and remembering how happy I am doing what I’m doing. I love being home. Most of the time I resent anything that takes me away from home. Just the other day I was complaining about an ice cream social the school is having that I must attend because I’m teaching there. It will take me away from my family.

The wife started working from home so we would have more time together. Now granted she’s working, but we’re still here together. Most people would think all of this togetherness is a bit much, but when you’ve waited as long as we have for family, love, and happiness… it’s just perfect. Plus she does travel and when she’s “on” at work, she is truly “on.” Meaning, I may not see her for days, or if she’s in town but going in to the office, I won’t see her until late evening.

It’s silly because there are two reasons as to why I feel this “need” for a title? Or something like that…

*Reason 1: I’m competitive. I look at where I am in life as far as money/career and I compare it to my wife who is so very successful. She always has been. She works very hard and deserves everything good that comes from all of that. I don’t want her totally burdened with the stress of being the only financial support for our family. We aren’t hurting but we’ve got the kids in a private school… we eat, etc. ;) I’m not sure I’d feel the same way if she were a man which is just plain dumb because I am so happy she is who she is.

*Reason 2: I care about what people think. The majority of people don’t take a relationship such as ours serious enough to accept that I am a house-wife to a wife. Most of the time lack of acceptance doesn’t bother me because I love being home. I love taking care of her and being here for the kids. I do have two friends who have been very supportive of my position as a housewife. They totally get it!

There is very little turmoil within our relationship. Most of it swirls around in my head and it’s usually when I’m pms’ing or when she’s very wrapped up in work and travels. She does let me know how appreciated I am and she’s very good at surprising me with trips, excellent concert tickets, or just a slow dance in the middle of the afternoon (when she’s home). Not to mention her patience with my seemingly always sick stomach.

So with that being said… I am working hard to “snap out of it.” :) The wife is right… there is nothing in my life that should drive me into the closet. I told her when she got home the other day that I was having a “closet” day. Long ago I would sit in the closet because that’s where I felt safe. As an adult, I would go into the closet during storms, or if I wasn’t sleeping at night (so I could write without disturbing anyone). I’ll be honest though… I really think writing in the closet would work for me. I don’t think the wife would feel good about it though due to my past use of closets. She may take it wrong, and really our closet has no space. I could write in the guest/ghost room, but I may start having bad dreams. A friend suggested making Starbucks my place of choice for writing and go there every day just as I would a job. I think this is an excellent idea and one I will put into action when I’ve got everyone settled into their school year routine!

Importance

On importance:
I’ve woken up in quite the mood today, but I can’t say it’s producing an array of different thoughts. Thoughts that will get me motivated, I mean. I have to say one thing… I’m not so sure it’s good for me to read people’s blogs who think the way I do, because it does at times validate my feelings, which leaves me with no motivation to change them! I’m talking about the fear of failure which creates lack of trying. I know I’m holding myself back from a LOT of things! Not just writing… but other things as well. I have so many ideas… so many “needs.” Yet I do nothing but procrastinate. I see the wife going to conferences, wheeling and dealing, answering emails all hours of the day… important stuff. I NEED something like that, but what and how? I enjoy being home and taking care of my family. My part-time teaching job will allow me the ability to be home most of the time. I honestly don’t want to be away from home. Am I becoming a recluse? I’m a seriously social person, but lately… it’s quite the emotional upheaval when I leave the house to go visiting others or to go to work. Make note, no one really knows of this upheaval but me. I’m very good at hiding things that go on within. Well, facial expressions will get me at times, but that has nothing to do with my own upheavals!
I think if I really get down to the bottom of things, I can say I operate out of fear. I love being home, the wife loves me being home, but for how long? How long before she gets bored with me basically doing nothing important? I mean, I take care of her… but she can easily do this stuff herself, or she can hire someone. She could travel more without me (or without feeling guilty for leaving me here taking care of animals who are NOT fun to take care of), she could meet someone who is just as focused and successful in business as she is therefore adding to the money, the travel, the nice things that she loves. ::sigh:: Take this morning for instance… she asked me what I had to do today… “Umm, laundry (thinking really hard) and small grocery shopping, taking the boy to tennis tonight, going to a friend’s house?” Nothing important… no big deals, hob knobbing, no dealing with someone on a daily basis that drives the wife’s jealousy levels to great proportions. ::ahem:: No money making, just money spending on things she won’t even eat because this week will have her out eating every night for business. I guess I could write tonight… I actually have something I’ve been working on. Who knowwwwws!
SO…I go back and forth on what I think want to do, what I think I need to do, and what I’m doing. There are times I want to go out and get a job that will have me working as much as she does, traveling, night time dinner meetings, emails back and forth before I go to bed… not because I want to do it, but because she does it and maybe that’s what I need to do or maybe that’s what she needs me to do, or maybe she just needs to know what it’s like on this side of things. What I want to do is what I’m doing… take care of my family, take care of my wife. Plan things, keep things organized, keep the peace, and try to at least keep her personal life as stress free as possible. I’ll tell you what’s freaking me out about this and I know it’s nuts, but it’s honest. Melissa Etheridge… very successful, amazing talent, LOVES what she does. Wife, gives up everything, takes care of Melissa, travels with her, they have kids, they break up. Wife (according to her blogs… Hollywood Farm Girl) is hurting... taking care of the kids, and dealing with a life that has been turned upside down. Melissa is traveling, singing, doing what she’s always done. Her life really hasn’t changed with our without her family. Scary stuff… how my life would change and how would I pull myself out of it? I wouldn’t be doing the same thing I’ve always done, because I’ve been taking care of her, loving her.
That’s the problem with same sex couples. There are very few life-long couples. They seem to move on when things get difficult, when restlessness sets in, when it suits them. I hate that and try not to spend too much time looking at statistics. I often wonder if it would be different if it weren’t considered taboo… If we were taken seriously would we look at our relationships seriously? More so than we do?
So anyway, I get this job offer and think, woohoo! I’ll have something that maybe I can discuss with the wife. That gets me out doing something respectful. I was excited about this teaching job. I was excited until yesterday… I have 1 student. 1!!!! What on earth am I going to do with one little girl for 2 ½ hours every day. That’s not kindergarten, it’s private tutoring. I can do that at home and for way less money than what this parent is going to be paying the school. I don’t know, maybe I’ll get more kids as time goes by. I hope… but I’ve committed to them, so I’m in it for better or worse. I’m also going to sign up for golf lessons, (keep practicing tennis), volunteer at a kids shelter, and talk to a friend about a business plan. I swear to myself I will do these things. I swear on my Tallulah ;-)!! Thanks for reading my pitiful blog/venting. I’m really very “talkative” during pms!!!