A long day

Today: 

We attended the funeral of a 24 year old man-child. I call him that because though you're considered an adult at 18, I don't think we quite reach that point until we're well into our late 20's and early 30's. 

We made the decision to put our little old man dog down. He's going downhill fast and it's hard to watch. That will happen Friday evening, if not before.

Today has been long... I'm tired, I'm drained... earlier I was excited and wanted things... a golf cart, a baby... now, not so much. 

Crazy, busy, busy, crazy... BUT

Two weeks in our new home... YES, TWO weeks already! Honestly, it feels longer. So much has happened... so many things to blog!

I'll start here...
We've been in our home for two weeks. We've entertained our closest friends thus far and are planning a party for the end of April. A neighbor has lent us a golf-cart to take for a test drive because "If you live in Chandlers, you NEED  golf cart." Now, I'm thinking my rear-end is going to grow about ten times larger due to riding around in a golf cart rather than riding around on my bike, or even running and walking... things I once did for exercise, but currently have no motivation for. It is the cutest little black and red golf cart... I love it! It would be so fun to have it around for me and, well, the kids too! I would share!

I would love to have a golf cart... like most people there are many things I would love to have. This week, in the wake of a terrible situation, one of those wants has resurfaced.

A friend of ours son committed suicide last week. He was young, just a baby really. Only 24, with a girlfriend, and a beautiful 2 year old. It seemed to everyone, as if he was finally getting his life in order, but maybe it was only surface. I guess inside he was really struggling. He had to be, because one argument, one disagreement wouldn't have been the cause of his inability to deal with life.

Through all of this, we heard through the grapevine that his girlfriend is pregnant with a second child and would possibly want to adopt it out. It is simply a rumor at this point, but of course it made my want of another child resurface. The wife is right of course, it would be terribly difficult to adopt the grand-baby of a friend. We would be pretty selfish with the baby and have very strong ideas of how we were going to raise this child. The problem is, it would be terribly difficult for us to adopt otherwise. Other people have very strong ideas about children being raised by gay/lesbian parents. I can just see how an interview would go....

How would you... etc etc....???

The perfect answers would be on the tip of our tongues, but lets just answer honestly here:

 Me: I would want to buy it everything... only the best, from frilly dresses with bloomers and big fat bows if it's a girl, to all organic foods, and an awesome bassinet that plays the i-pod ;)

The Wife: No bows, I'll deal with frillies, and all organic foods?? We don't even get that, and we are healthy without it.

Me: We have to start the baby out right...

Person doing the interview: Where would the baby sleep?

Wife: In our room... Me: Only until 6 weeks then in one of the upstairs bedrooms.... Wife: That's too far away... Me: We would have a baby monitor... a video... we would completely childproof the upstairs to keep the baby safe once he or she is crawling out of the crib! Wife: What??? Crawling out? Ugh... the baby will get the master bedroom and we'll sleep upstairs.

Person doing interview: When the baby is sick?

Us: We would both be up caring for it, one of us wanting to make a trip to the ER... the other one being the voice of reason. That could go either way as far as which one will be pushing for the ER.

Person doing the interview: You both seem to disagree on what you want for the baby... how would this be healthy?

Me: These aren't things that are unusual in any type of parenting situation. We would want only the best for the baby... good health, happiness, education, and beyond... between the two of us, this baby would lead a well balanced, happy, life, with our biggest goal being not to spoil the child so rotten that he or she ends up being the pariah of social functions.

These are things that go through my head. I would love to have another baby... we have our dream home, we could still travel... hmmmm.... We'll just have to see! In the mean time, we have teenagers and furry babies that keep us quite busy!!

Oh my Geeeee, we MADE it!

I should be putting a resume together for a friend, but wanted to blog first. It has been so long, and I've missed it. Plus it makes me feel as if I am back on routine, which, for an OCD person such as myself, is VERY important!

Since my last blog, we've been crazy-busy with the move. I took a week off, and can honestly tell you it was exhausting, but very worth it as far as the house and view. 

I've been feeling a little concerned about living in a smaller town, and such a close-knit, gossipy neighborhood. This feeling about the town in general, didn't set in until my first visit to the grocery store. You cannot walk down an aisle without getting stuck behind someone standing in the middle of it, looking totally clueless. They then notice they are blocking you, slowly begin moving, and don't even apologize. We came from Dallas... people do not stand clueless in an aisle and then NOT apologize when they realize they're blocking you. The cashier was making horrible faces at my Indian food purchases, and a little girl looked at the boy and said "THAT'S a boy?!?" He has skater-boy long hair. I just looked at him and whispered "Can we say Rockwalllll?" This was said in my best Texan accent, of course. 

We did meet one of our next door neighbors the day of move-in. The wife met her first, and when I went searching for the wife, I got to meet her. She didn't beat around the bush... she came right out and asked us if we were a couple. I like that... she was straight forward. She then said it's okay, and that the neighbors directly next to her would be okay with that too. Hey, it was her way of making peace. I'm good with that. I wasn't good with the woman who kept driving by in her little red golf cart, staring, with no smile at all. The next time I see her, I'll be stepping right in front of her. Everyone in this neighborhood has a golf cart, and you see them driving all over the place in them. We decided we would get our own golf cart, paint it rainbow colors, name it Cha-Ching, and have a personalized plate that says RCH LESBOS. ;o) Just kidding, but the temptation is there. I think they actually expect it. 

Regardless of all of that, I'm very happy in our new home. It's beautiful, and we're very lucky! Here are some pictures taken before we got our furniture in!

The kitchen :)

The bathroom!

The beautiful living room!

Last but most important: The beautiful view :)

Loss and The Wife

I have so much in my head, and I'm not really sure where to start!

This very long, physically and mentally exhausting weekend is coming to a fast end. We've had to say goodbye to our Tom cat, we had family stop in for one night (this was great because we really do enjoy them), and we've flipped a coin several times, trying to decide what we should do as far as buying this house. We're supposed to be closing in a few days, so obviously that's what we will do. The coin flipping is just our way of making us feel like we have some modicum of control over our fate. In other words, if the coin shows two out of three times that we should buy the house, then we feel as if we've made the right choice. It did!... Woohoo, we're on the right track then!

Dealing with the loss of  Thomas has been quite an eye-opener. It's been much harder than I suspected. As an adult who has had the experience of losing people and pets I've loved, I'm surprised by how much the finality of each loss seems to take me off guard. My mind takes me through the process of rediscovering this finality as I do small things around the house that remind me that Tom is gone. Spraying air freshener, lighting candles, making the bed, starting the laundry... Tom was always around.

As I blog about this loss, I know that eventually we'll be dealing with the loss of another beloved pet. We have a dog that is 16 years old. Calvin is the furry elder... the one we thought would go first. He's blind, deaf, and senile. He gets stomach upsets frequently, walks around endlessly, and is neurotic as all hell. If you bump into him, he'll tip over. Sometimes he tips over when no one, or no animal, is around.

Though we think we're prepared for the loss of Calvin, I know it will be hard. Here's a short story about the wife and her strange way of trying to handle the loss of our animals.

We had gotten the diagnosis for Thomas a few days before and were discussing what we should do for him. Should we try to keep him alive, should we treat him until his kidneys finally lose the battle, should we let him go naturally, or should we call the pet hospice and have him put down? When the topic of having Thomas put down was addressed, Calvin paced by us. The wife picked him up, hugged him, and was talking to him about how they would miss Thomas. She then said to Calvin "Calvin, do you want to go to heaven with Thomas?" Can I just say I was horrified?! I took Calvin from her and told her to pull herself together. Calvin was NOT ready to go yet. He may be difficult, blind, and deaf, but he is not ready to give up the fight. Hmphh... I then stalked off with him. I hope Calvin will always remember how I helped him dodge that particular bullet. ;o)

Adventures in Sleep-land

How many of you liked Alice in Wonderland? Ah Wonderland... the place of dreams? Not good dreams though... I didn't like the animated version as a kid, and I definitely didn't like the new one with Johnny Depp. It was dark, but alas it was a dream... whew! I sure was relieved to discover that! Dreams... they seem to take every one of your worries and fears and combine them into a horrible nightmare of bizarre circumstances that you are relieved to wake from. Poor Alice was a victim of her own fears and imagination!

Well, here is MY adventure in sleep-land (last night):

The wife and I were picking the kids up from their dad's house. He wasn't home, so I wanted to go in the house, find his guns, and take them. I searched the whole home (not the home he is actually in right now). The rooms are still so vivid, but I won't bore you with the details.  I head to his room and find a strange armoire, that is locked. I panic, thinking he's stock-loading guns, but when I finally get it open, I see clothing, misc. items, and two small black cases, which I took 

                                                    with me. I suppose those were the guns.      

Then things switched to the kids and I am telling them that they are not to tell anyone that I have his guns, which then immediately switched to me driving through a neighborhood, with my daughter on her bike behind the car. I have no idea why... Every time I would get to a road, people were blocking it, not letting me drive through... and they were angry. I finally pushed past a group people, and sped down the road to escape them. I turned another corner and saw water rushing down the street. I wondered if the people were blocking the roads due to the water, but I knew the initial reason was because they didn't want strange people in their neighborhood. So confusing, and then again it switched to me and a friend from the past. We were in a weird hotel, trying to get a cab. The cab finally showed up, but it was an odd circular thing that we would have had to curl up in so they could close it. I threw a fit, asking if there was any way we could just sit up in it... "I am way too claustrophobic for that!" 

I then woke up... thank goodness.

Dream Interpretation:

I do harbor a fear as far as the ex and his guns. My very first blog addressed this topic, because I had only just found out about his purchase. I struggle with this fear. Is it illogical? Is it crazy? I mean, I do have a mother who is paranoid schizophrenic... do I exhibit some of that "unreasonable" fear? (skip insomnia night, the stress is really getting to me) I then try to address the logical side of my fear... he has been violent in the past. He does lean toward depression. He does have control issues. I read news stories almost every single day about people who have taken the lives of their children, their spouse, their ex... I really need these next five years to pass quickly... I really need to be convinced that my fear of him is illogical.

The neighborhood thing could apply to our new move. We're worried about the politics of the neighborhood we're moving into. It's on a marina with a yacht and tennis club. Apparently an adult Disneyland. We worry about acceptance. We worry about the party atmosphere. We worry... it's a huge move.

The wife thinks the cab portion of the dream means I want to go fetal, but that I am not there quite yet. I'll accept this. It's very hard watching your cat die... it's very hard watching your wife cry her eyes out over the worry of the new home purchase, the stress of selling her half of the company (the payout is 7 years- huge risk when you worry about the other business partner's ability to keep things running and growing), and the loss of the cat. There is really nothing I can do to make it better. I watch to make sure her MS isn't flaring... hard when she tries to hide her symptoms, but I'm good. I offer encouragement. My heart hurts for her, plain and simple. 

Blog Interpretation:

We need to get past these next twelve days...   quickly please! 

Today...

In my Global Warming blog, I mentioned that we finally made it out of our drive-way because we had to take the cat to the vet. Thomas (Tom Tom) is 13 years old and has never been sick. In fact, he's been in terrific shape until now. During that snow, we were home all day for 6 days straight. I suppose this is how I finally noticed Thomas wasn't feeling well. He was meowing a LOT and having a hard time jumping up on the washing machine, where his food and water are kept. I let the wife know and we decided to get him to the vet. That was no easy feat during the bad weather, because our vet's office was closed, as were a few others.

The prognosis, after finally finding a vet, was kidney failure and a UTI. Okay, we could accept this. All we had to do was clear up the UTI with antibiotics, and take him in for fluid loads to flush the toxins from his kidneys. We had hope! After a few days of fluid loads, the vet took his blood again. Things still weren't improving at the rate he had hoped. We had a choice... more fluid loads or being admitted for a few days so he could get continuous IV fluids. The wife didn't want him to be away for a few days, and Thomas really did seem to be improving. He was sleeping with us again, and walking around the house. So, we went through the weekend to see how things would go. 

Poor Tom Tom started to feel bad again. He started sleeping next to his cat box,  he stopped eating and drinking, and he seemed to not be using the box as much. All of this in two days. We took him back in and the vet finally decided to test his kidneys. We've had to wait two days, but we finally know... our kitty has cancer. :( We have no good choices... we can keep him alive for a few more months with steroids, or we can wait, and watch, and keep him as comfortable as possible, until he needs to be put down. What would you do? 

I was glancing through my "recent blogs" list, and saw that one of the bloggers I follow (Inspired Mess), has been blogging what love is to different people. I haven't read these recent blogs of hers just yet, but I can tell you, at this point, what one aspect of love is for me... Love is being able to make the right choice for what/who is loved... the less selfish choice.... seems simple enough, but it really isn't at times.  

Tom Tom hiding in the sweet sixteen decorations

"Will you please stop flashing that light in my eyes?"

Tom Tom relaxing before bedtime :)


We love you Thomas!!!

A bit delayed...

A festive Dinner

 I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's day...  it is the day to seriously take advantage of your favorite candies (single or not).  It's funny how things change as you get older, and your life is so totally entwined with the one you love. The need to run out and buy (overpriced) flowers, stuffed toys that end up in closets, and candy that makes you fat, is no longer there. Well, lets back that train up... I NEED my Reeses peanut butter hearts,  just like I needed my Reeses bells on Christmas, and when Easter comes along, I'll need my Reeses eggs. I love the holiday Reeses because the chocolate is thinner and it's chock full of peanut butter!!!

Okay, back to the blog... sorry. What I was saying was, our expectations have changed. We had a fun dinner with friends Saturday night, a nice day Sunday hanging out and watching the sunset in the Harbor District (located in the city we will soon be living in), the wife and I bought iPhones for Valentines, and we've enjoyed our evenings playing Angry Birds (for her) and Bejeweled (for me). We're happy... woohooo! :)

What's your idea of the perfect Valentine? Regardless, I hope everyone enjoyed their day. Just remember, Valentine's Day celebrates love. Whether you're single or not, there is someone or someTHING (like my Reeses) that you love. If nothing else, you should love yourself enough to treat yourself to something, even if it's sleeping in or eating that piece of candy or cake that you're usually depriving yourself of.

Soon, we will have this view every night! 

Hanging out on a beautiful day... Gotta love Texas ! :)