Have you ever felt as if you’re chasing dreams that are destined be just that… dreams? I suppose when they’re not destined to be more than that, they’re called pipe dreams. I feel as though that’s what I’m doing… constantly dreaming but never being able to fully see the big picture.
Honestly, I abandoned the book writing dream a few months ago. I can’t tell you how many blogs exist in which the blogger wishes to write a book… just like me. It’s discouraging and I don’t think my stuff is all that great. If I don’t like it, then how can I expect others to?
Then I have the dream of owning my own business. Not just any business. I’ve had this idea in my head since my days of working with special education students. It’s a great idea, and I know it would work, though it won’t make us millionaires. The wife doesn’t want to have to deal with another business. She also doesn’t want me wrapped up in one because her goal is to be bought out of her own business within the next few years. For me, that’s a lot of waiting, and then, what exactly am I waiting for? I would be waiting for her to finish her buy-out contract, and then watch while she starts something else… so what about me?
I thought going back to school for my Masters in OT would get me closer to either putting my business plan into action or at least giving me more options if I had to go back to work. The wife doesn’t want me to do that either. She wants me to focus on my writing. She seems to think I have something.
I’m really feeling the need for something of my own lately. I think this need has increased due to my surprising lack of enthusiasm for being in the classroom full-time. I love teaching my little kindergartners for two and half hours a day and then coming home. I don’t think I could go back to work in a classroom all day, and be happy. That’s very disappointing because one, I used to really enjoy it, and two, it’s my only option. I know I’ve painted myself into this “one option” corner, but my goal was always to go back for my masters in either ABA or school counseling. Working in the special education classroom turned me on to OT and my business idea. Ughhhhh… Advice… I need advice.
1 comment:
I hear ya! Been there and done that. :)
Since I was in my mid twenties, I dreamed of having a more fulfilling life. All during my financially successful career, I wanted to own a business instead. Tried a few things, but immediately bombed. Thankfully, not too much income lost.
Just as I was about to seek a life in another country (ahhhh!), my husband came into my life. Three kids killed my entreprenuerial zest, but I picked up the pad and paper and began to write. I actually have a manuscript stored away.
My husband encouraged the book; he would joke and tell people, "I'm waiting for her to publish her book so that I can retire."
I still dream, but not with desperation anymore. I'm over the "50" hump, an age that seems to change priorities and inspire confidence.
My forties were a little rough; I was still having babies and trying to do it all. Plus, it is a decade of transition - to what, is the question. :)
Hang in there and follow your heart - even if it changes often.
I've come to realize that I have all that I need. If I happen to luck up with a book or a business, that will be icing on the cake.
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