Futility?

If you've been reading my blogs, you're well aware of my writer's block. I've been working very hard on overcoming this block, but my mind has been so, ummmm... smudged lately. I haven't been thinking clearly and I forget every thing! I'm too young to develop senility, and too old not to remember my birthday!

I suppose this mind boggling smudge on my brain is causing at least a small portion of my block. Due to this, I've been doing small writing exercises... my attempt to get the juices flowing again. Once that happens, I can get back to my serious writing.

I actually started writing a book a few months ago. Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I had an outline. I just stared at him. No outlines, although I did try. I tried to wrap my head around it, but it just didn't come. I write from the cuff. I know direction is needed, but I like to see what happens as I go. For a list person such as myself, this isn't really common practice, but it's the only way I function in my stories.

I stopped focusing on the book soon after I started it. Then I looked back at old writings, and realized I have a few different book beginnings lying dormant in documents. I suppose I've been giving up, setting myself up to fail, looking for excuses not to do finish things out. After much encouraging from the wife and some friends, I've decided to go for it. I mean, the most horrible thing that can happen is that I can receive negative feedback. Negative feedback is actually good, right? Because I can use that to improve myself.

So, with that said, I've decided to post one of my creative writing activities. Here it is:

Have you ever yearned for something so much that your insides hurt? Have you ever felt such a great need for something, that nothing, absolutely nothing, could fill it except that which you long for? There are few things in life that I long for… few things I truly need. I do long for peace… peace around me, peace within me. Most of the time I have it, but there are times I need to find it… search it out. Now is one of those times. One of those times I long… One of those times I need.


Almost

My hair is somewhat stringy and in my face. I’m continuously brushing it from my eyes. I take a deep breath, mouth open… immediately I taste the air. It’s salty/sweet/warm/cold. I intently listen to the sounds around me. They are at times softer than a lullaby, but then can also be as hard and rough as a heavy metal rock band playing for a crowd of admirers.

The smells cling to my hair, skin, and clothes as they drop from the wind. They stick to me for hours and I know that nothing less than a shower will help. I don’t care about any of this though, because for me, this is happiness. This is peace. I love the smell, the sounds, the taste. This is where I want to be and this is where I stay.

Earlier I was digging for sunglasses, and now I’m tossing them aside. Earlier I was feeling a bit warm, now my skin is hot, but I’ve got goose bumps. I tug my jacket on, pulling my hair out of the restraint of the collar. My hair is tangled and damp, and the jacket sleeves are sticking to my arms, but I’m happy. My shoes have been discarded and the blanket I’m sitting on is about to be drenched. High tide is coming.

I reach over for something… the one thing that would have made this moment perfect. The one thing that fills my heart more than this amazing ocean in front of me, and the one thing that inspires me more than the mountains behind me. I love her. I close my hand as it were holding hers. I'm oblivious to the sand filtering through my fingers feeling only what I want to feel. Her warmth surrounds me.

The water rushes up, reaching my toes this time and the chill startles me. I open my hand because now all I feel is the sand that had formed a small clump in my grasp. All I feel is the chill in the air... I could almost feel her.

The phone rings bringing me out of my daydream. I ignore it and look around my bedroom. It's dark now.

I could almost feel the ocean. I could almost taste and smell the ocean air. I could almost hear the waves and the gulls. Almost…