Regrets...

We will always have them. No matter what, we will always feel like there is something we could have done better. Especially when a death occurs. The wife's family recently lost a loved one, and the regrets being voiced, the guilt being expressed, only compound the sadness.

This is to my family:

"When the time comes that I pass from this world into the next, please don't have regrets. Please don't feel guilt. Unless you purposely caused harm to me (in which case I will haunt the Hell out of you), there is no reason to feel these useless feelings. It's the old "coulda', shoulda', woulda'." You cannot change the past. You can only change what lies before you.

I understand that I am not your first thought, or priority. I understand you will have families of your own, in-laws, friends, a LIFE. I want all of those things for you. I want you living life to its fullest. Even if it means you didn't make it to dinner, or you spent the holidays somewhere else. It is after all what I want for you... a life that is happy, and full.

I have learned that there is no amount of time spent with a loved one that is "good enough" when they are gone. You will feel the guilt... you will think to yourself, "I could have done more." I don't expect more at the expense of your time with your own families. I don't expect more if it means you are missing out. My happiness will come from knowing you were out living your life. My peace will come from the knowledge that you are surrounded by people who love you as much as I do."

Yes, my family will see this. I need them to know this.

Anyway:
I hope to live many more years... watch my children grow into wonderful, productive, happy, adventurous adults. Hopefully I will get a grandchild or two out of it (NOT right now!) I want to go back to Big Sur and New York. I want to go to Washington State, Oregon, Chicago... oh so many places. I want to live my life without regret... the regret of NOT living it that is. That would be my own fault. I'd have no one to blame for that.

Breast Cancer Doesn't Care

I've been working on two different posts for today and tomorrow, but those will have to wait.

Today, I'm dedicating my blog to my friend's beautiful mother, who lost her long, courageous battle, with breast cancer. Words cannot express how sorry I am for her family, who I know will miss her greatly. She was full of laughter, and fun, sharing her wonderful smile, and wit, with everyone around her. She wasn't nearly old enough to pass from this world, but...

Breast Cancer doesn't discriminate against age, race, or even gender.

Breast Cancer doesn't care that you have the most amazing personality.

Breast Cancer doesn't care that you are loved by everyone you come into contact with.

Breast Cancer doesn't care that you're a mother, father, daughter, son.

Breast Cancer doesn't care that you have a whole life to live.

Breast Cancer doesn't care that the person it's taking out of this world, could have been the one who would have made all the difference in it. 

Breast Cancer doesn't care that you work out daily, or eat the healthiest foods.

Breast Cancer doesn't want to be found.

Breast Cancer will hide in places you may not know to look... under your arms, or almost as high as your collar bones. 

Breast Cancer can be caught in time... if you look for it.

Breast Cancer can be stopped, but it can also come back.

Breast Cancer cannot claim the final victory.

A person's life story lasts forever.

A loved one will always be loved.

A family will always remember.

I remember my friend's mother being this vibrant, friendly, outgoing, woman. She was sweet, and kind, and wonderful. Near the end, my friend posted many pictures of her mom. She was still laughing, still smiling, still showing off her personality, even though she had no hair, and looked so frail in the hospital bed. Her eyes though.. her life energy shown through her eyes. Breast Cancer be damned for taking such a beautiful woman away from a her amazing family and friends.