Dear...

Today is Thanksgiving here... a day we're supposed to take time out, to give pause to our actually very blessed lives. From the richest, to the poorest, from Christian, to Muslim, to Buddhism, if you live in America, you are truly blessed.

We can worship what, and where we want, shop where we want, wear what we want, eat what we want, carry guns, speak our minds, we do have access to medical care whether we end up in a county hospital or a private one, and we can wake up every morning, to the sound of traffic, birds, whatever surrounds you, and know when walking out our door, that we will more than likely make it back home later that day, alive and well. No, we don't have it all... but we have more than most. We are blessed.

Last night, I was in bed, trying so hard to sleep, and I was thinking about God... I talk to Him a lot, and I always start our conversation out "Dear God..." I'm not sure if it's because of that song I used to listen to long ago, that was considered so sacrilege, but I loved it, or if it's because of the book I've seen on shelves called "Letters to God."

Never mind the reason though... it always starts the same, and just know, that this isn't a super religious post about a certain religion. This is about God. Whether we believe in His existence, or not, most of us do believe in something, and have faith in something bigger. For me, this is God. It's what fuels us, drives us, it's who/what we turn to when our souls need sustenance, it's what we worship, what we pay homage to. SO, just know when I talk about God, I know that our ideas and beliefs may be different, but they are still based on the same basic principles.... mostly. ;)

Anyway, lets move past the disclaimer! Last night went kind of like this...


"Dear God,

What do you think? Are you proud of us? Our accomplishments? It doesn't seem to me, that what we've got going on here is something to be proud of. That scares me, because we as humans, are very proud of our accomplishments. Our technology, our inventiveness, our way of life. It scares me, because we are SO proud, that we don't stop to ask you, "Are you proud?"

Even the way we worship has become something to be proud of. These HUGE churches, gathering tons of money, to build bigger and better places, when you provided us with plenty of space to pray, to sing, to show our love. I'm talking about mountains, and valley's, and fields, and forests... the perfect place to quietly contemplate, and talk to you.

We don't do that though... quietly talk to you. We make it BIG, we expect others to be just like us, to do just like us, or we judge them. We can't co-exist. I guess we never could. Are you proud that we judge and kill in your name? I don't think you are. I think you shake your head at us, and hope we can finally get it right. Some people do... get it right I mean. Just not enough to really make a difference in this huge world you created.

There are stars in the sky, beautiful sunrises, amazing sunsets, the trees are so pretty right now (I just noticed yesterday that they're finally starting to change here!), little animals everywhere, that make it without all of the things we feel we need to survive on... all of it is SO fragile, yet not as fragile as we are with our amazing advances, and technology. Those are the things that have made us the most fragile, because we have become so advanced, that we would not be able to survive without it, now.

So, I don't know why I'm feeling so low on this Thanksgiving Eve... I guess because I see what's going on, and I'm not proud, I'm scared. I feel like I'm standing back, behind everyone else and watching. They hustle and bustle, and live, and exclaim, and disclaim. It's like watching subways rush by you, and not really even being able to distinguish the train's form in the blur. I'm really hoping that today, a day in America when MOST of us, regardless of religious beliefs, take time to give thanks, and that those subways will slow down, stop, and think reflectively."

SO that was last night...

Today, I woke up at 7, fed my zoo, listened to them play, and now I'm about to go wake my family. I'll be making them all breakfast, then taking my Cam dog for a walk. He needs mommy time, and I can take pictures of the beautiful trees with their pretty new colors.

I'm so thankful for the natural beauty that surrounds us, for my furry babies, for my family, for good, fattening food! Life is too short, it's meant to be lived, and we're meant to love each other. Every form of life deserves respect, and honor. So today, be sure to stop and look around... you would be surprised at what you see!!

Love is...JUST KIDDING

Seriously, I'm not about to post a cheesy Valentine poem.

I look at Valentine's Day as a great marketing tool. It's wonderfully exciting for the kiddos, and a terrific reason for me to eat cupcakes, because we all know, I LOVE cupcakes. Otherwise, Valentine's Day needs to go. I mean, I've been reading FB status updates all day long (while stuck in the DPS), and some of these people (adults and teens alike) are very upset with this day. It's giving otherwise happy people, a major complex! I just want to give them all hugs, tell them I love them, and stuff them all full of cupcakes. Then I won't be the only one feeling naughty on this day. Naughty for eating cupcakes... NOT for other things. No, the wife is sick, and I don't want whatever it is she has. Romance has left the building... for now anyway. Unless you consider my nursing skills romantic.

This was the best one I've seen today... describes real life to a tee! 

In other news:
Beware when driving the roads in Texas. We have a new driver on the streets. She's armed with a heavy vehicle, and a card that says it's okay for me to let her loose (That's Texan speak, so read it in a southern, twangy drawl). It's very scary... but she'll be okay. I did get a little teary eyed as she drove off with the DPS guy in the car with her. My thought: "Oh sh*t, I'm getting old." My next thought: "I can sleep-in now, and she can drive herself, and her brother, to school!" Hey, I can find a positive in any situation!

I didn't watch her do the parallel parking. I was too nervous for her, but I did get a few pictures of this milestone:

Here we go!! She wanted to put the top down on the car, but I told her the DPS guy (who didn't know how to smile) would not appreciate the humor on this rainy day. 

Parking... I watched this much then went back in.

They're baaaaaack.... 

This is the way she wanted this picture of herself done... so here she is, acting victorious... I suppose. I think she may be doing that damned Toddler and Tiara lip thing behind her temporary license. LOL Sparkle girl, in your black and white picture!! 

We made a grocery store stop on the way to take her to school... cupcakes and chocolate covered strawberries for the teachers' V-Day gifts, and in celebration of her passing her driver's test. Oh, and Roses, because I wanted to confuse the men who were rushing around frantically, trying to be sweet this one day of the year. My Starbucks lady said they were lined up at 6 am, waiting for the store to open. The lady doing the check-out is an odd duck, and she will jump your sh*t if you don't separate your purchase from that of the person in front of you, with a little grocery divider. She's a regular and so am I. I've seen her do it. She can be quite scary, and usually sends people running from the store, too scared to even stop at the customer service desk, right by her register, to complain. Yep... she's nuts. 

Anyway...
I'm home now, and thinking about putting on some red lipstick, eating chocolate cupcakes, and drinking wine, while I serve medicine to the wife, on a tray full of roses. She won't be able to smell them... at this point I don't even know if she'll see them!!

Sunday Chimes (or rants)

Today, I'm going to write my post before I go catch up with everyone. I have to, because for some reason, my brain doesn't function as well, when the wife is up and moving around. Mainly because when she's up, I feel like I need to be doing stuff. I know this isn't the case, but lately, I'm having issues. This is a huge rant, so I apologize, but I need to get it out.

I know you guys have read this before, but I am so tired of the judgement people hold over me, because I "don't work." Here's an announcement for all of those who feel I'm using the wife (after this long? really?) because I stay home. First of all, I love her, and would do anything for her. Her happiness matters to me, and I want her to do what makes her feel good. In all honesty, she doesn't want to do anything as far as work. She's put her time in, and made enough to retire on. That's what she wants to be... retired. The problem is, the wife is a "bean counter." Every trip to the store, every payment made toward utilities, or what-not, is another bunch of beans gone from a pot that isn't being replenished with new beans. It's hard to enjoy being retired when you're continually counting the beans. Plus she's got a tremendous amount of guilt because she's retired at such a young age. I see this and tell her she needs to do something, not because it would make me happy, but because I'm hoping it will relieve some of her stress about those beans. Or, does she want me to do something ... would that help relieve her stress?

She wants me here with her... Maybe this is what people don't understand. Could this be everyone's thought process:

Why do you need to be with each other all day? I work, my husband works, our kids go to school, a PUBLIC school. What's the problem with this? Why can't you two live like this? Why are your kids in private school when you're in a great district? Why is she at home, when she's perfectly capable of working? Why are you retired, when you should be starting another business?

First of all, let me start off by saying, we do what we do. We don't think we're better than others because those kids are in a private school. They're there for a reason. The girl had an opportunity to be on drill team, and to be in a small school environment that would hopefully allow her the chance to come out of her shell and make friends, so she can experience what a normal senior high school year is like. The wife loves her and wants that for her. I do too, but ultimately, because the wife IS the one paying for this, it's her decision. HER decision is, and would be respected by me, no matter what she she decided. NOT because she's the one with the money, but because I love her, and I know how she is with the beans. The boy is there for the same reasons. When you have kids who aren't social, and who might have a bit of Aspergers going on, you want to put them in the best position possible to help them succeed in life. For their happiness AND yours, because God help us if they're living with us in their adulthood.

Next, we love being with each other. We've waited a very long damn time, and have both been through hell, to finally find the happiness we both deserve, and we're going to enjoy every last minute of it. Even the doldrum days of laundry, dishes, and kids being pains in the a**es! ALL of it!!

YES, I am capable of working, and I'm degreed to do so in a job that won't ever make the kind of money that the wife made, but would help keep us out of those beans. It would also be a job that would have me gone from 7am until 6pm or later. Teaching is not an 8:30 am, until the kids are gone, kind of job. I was in my classroom until the janitors kicked me out at 9pm, much of the time. Some teachers don't do this, but I did things the hard way. I made sure every child's work was customized to fit their level. I made sure my centers were set up to fit each child's individual needs. My classroom was always busy, and a lot noisier than the others, but my kids were moving around, and learning at their own pace, in ways they understood. This required a lot of change and set up each day. It required a lot of individual time with each student. I wasn't able to grade or teach in an industrialized way the other teachers were trying to get me to do (for my own sake), because I spent every minute of my classroom time with those students.

The point of this is, I would be gone for long hours, and again, the wife wants me here, AND guess what, I want to be here. This does not mean I'm using her. It means I love spending time with her, and I am so thankful for the life we have. I do not, nor will I ever, take it for granted. Like the wife, I've worked my a** off . From the time I was 16, I've worked two jobs to support myself, because I was on my own. I met the ex husband, I worked two jobs. I had kids, I worked two jobs. I got divorced, I worked one main job, and many odd jobs that would allow me to have the kids with me, AND was finishing school. I met someone, I worked full-time, and long hours with no over-time. I supported us when the she lost her job due to layoffs in the newspaper industry. I will not ever, EVER have a retirement fund. Even if I went back to work and worked until I was 65, I won't have it.

So, lets try to change our thinking to this: "Wow, she's given up a lot. What if they end up not making it in the next few years. She won't have anything at all. She must really love her, to give up that little bit of security (because let's face it, a teacher's retirement wouldn't make me rich even if I was working now, but it would be something), to stay home, and take care of her (which is what I do because again I LOVE her). What a huge sacrifice, to think that if they don't make it, she could end up working  odd jobs way past the age of 65, just to eat. God help her if her health fails. Then what?" So say I'm using the wife all you want, but don't you think I sit here and luxuriate myself in the grandness of our life.

As far as my business idea... I want this to work and I need it to work. I feel like it will because I have such a passion for it. The wife supports it. I love her for the faith she must have in ME to finance it, BUT should she decide tomorrow not to do it, then I will still love her, and take care of her, and be here, because I don't want her to invest her retirement in this and have it not work. I don't want her to worry over it. The main thing I do not want is for it to come between us. She is way more important to me, and I can figure something else out.

There it is... my rant. I had to get it out. The wife went to bed feeling depressed last night, not because of me, but because she needs to feel like she has the support of others. I hate when she's sad, and I feel guilty for it. It's like when your kids get their feelings hurt at school. What can you do to make it better for them? I don't know. If I did, I would do it. She has a good heart, and she is so loyal... to her family, to her friends.  She reads every single one of my blogs, so I'll tell her this... I will back you and support you no matter what, because you are loyal, and you are good, and guess what? I don't expect anything from you, but your love.

The End...

Later today, I will post a picture blog of "A Day in Our Life." I worked on it all week last week, and drove the family crazy taking pictures of them. None of the wife... she doesn't want her picture taken. Soooo, that is for later.

Thank you for making your way through this... I love you guys!