Kicking and Screaming

I don't have any idea how long it's been since I've blogged. I suppose since January 15th, 13th, I dunno.

SO I am stepping back in to the blog-o-sphere... if only for one night. This is our last night of vacation. The wife surprised me with a trip to Big Sur, and Carmel, before we open our business in ten days. TEN days. I'm freaking out, of course, and having second thoughts, thinking things like "OH my God, what have I done?"

So, yeah, I don't want to go back.  I love it here. This is my Heaven on earth.  I want to move here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who wants to move to every place they vacation in. I mean, last year, we took an amazing cruise, with my favorite place to visit, being Virgin Gorda. The hot springs, the huge boulders on the white sand beaches. I loved it, but I didn't want to live there. I was ready to come home. Not this time, and not the last time we came here. I love Cali because it has everything I've always said I've needed to feel at peace, in my life. It has my mountains, ocean, white sand beaches with huge boulders, and valleys. I want to live with mountain behind me, and ocean in front of me. I want to live on the cliffs of Big Sur. This is where I feel most at peace. I love watching the waves roll in. I love the smell of the air, not just the ocean air, but the woodsy areas, and the residential areas. Yes, of course we visited the residential areas. We googled the homes with the views, and we set out goal. This is our last stop on the highway of life. In other words, we're moving here. We can't move here right away, due to familial obligations, but we have yet another goal to work toward... one last BIG dream to achieve.

As far as the past dreams... we've done well. We have a beautiful home, a LOT of fur babies, and now we're finally opening our business. We bought the building LAST August, and the city gave us a run for our money at every freakin' turn. Well, not the city, just one gentleman who works for the city. We thought he was representative of everyone who works there, but alas, he is not. Thank God.

People seem to be excited about our business. We are teaming up with a few others to make this a great success. I'm a nervous wreck. I know this has been my dream, but I'm not stupid enough to believe it won't come without a TON of stress, and worry. People don't really seem to understand how much of ourselves, and our money we've poured into this, which is fine. It is a little frustrating though, to have someone say things like "Well, all you can do is try, and if it doesn't work..." Um, no. It NOT working is NOT an option. This has GOT to work.

Anyway... it's time for me to go. I think the wife will be dragging me from here tomorrow... kicking and screaming. I know it's time to get back to life, but we will be back nex, and the year after... until we are finally able to move here.

I promise to try to blog more! So much has been happening, and we've been crazy busy with getting the business ready to open. Hence this vacation. The wife and I needed it. We've spent these past 6 days cruising the coast, and sleeping. We needed a recharge!

Oh Boy, Day 15, 2013

How does this happen? I mean, January is already half way done. I wish I could say I've done some wonderful things so far this year, but I have not. I mean, I have had a little fun... We got to go to the Cotton Bowl, and watch the Aggies win. That was fun. I was able to at least get the city our business is going to be in, to give me an application for a contractor's permit, so we can get moving on making the changes needed in our building. NOW, I'm waiting for the city to email or call, telling me to come pick up our permit. This whole "working with the city" thing is frustrating.

Anyway... I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about "rights." You know, those things people fight for, go to court for, take a stand for.

I think our fight for equal rights here in America is often screwy. I think the things we end up fighting for aren't things that are beneficial to our country, or to ourselves. Or the things we fight for, are often abused because "Hey, we have that right now!" How can we raise our children to take a stand for what is right, when the examples being set are so screwed up. I know, I know... this is all a matter of opinion. What I think is worth fighting for, may or may not be worth it to another. I get it, but lets talk about this, shall we...

Gays and lesbians have been fighting for equal rights to marriage for a long time (this isn't about gay and lesbian, so stick with me for a minute). This is a huge issue, because adult human beings are being told they cannot do what other adult human beings are doing, because of their choice in who they want to do it with. They are looked down upon, and deemed unworthy.

SO, let me just say, since people have fought long hard for our right to legal marriage, then that right needs to be respected. In other words, don't run off, and get married after a year of dating because it's legal. Have a ceremony if you must, but before you make it legal, make sure it's right. Show the people who don't deem you worthy, that you can do this right (as compared to the many others who possess this right without having had to fight for it---the straight people.) I just get disgusted with people who run to another state to get married after dating for a short amount of time, and then 6 months later, they have to file for divorce. Wait it out, make sure it's right. Don't ask me the amount of time to wait. I've no idea. I say get to know each other well. Let that romance stage pass, because it will pass and life will get real. Live together... I mean, why not, you're already living in sin because you're gay, right? Anyway, I would give the "wait it out" advice to anyone, but please respect the fact that we've been granted these rights (in some states). Respect it enough to go into it, with the mindset that there is NO way out... if that thought makes you feel a little ill, then I'm thinking you better not do it.

Now what about the freedom of speech. Oh my, there is not a day that goes by, that I don't read, hear, or watch something about someone claiming their rights due to "freedom of speech." Just the other day, I read two news stories... not one, but two, about freedom of speech. In one story, the right to "flip off" a police officer actually made it all the way to the Supreme Court. In case you ever need to know this, we now have the right to do that, and it's okay! Hooray for laws backing our right to flip off someone who is paid very little for what they do... someone who may or may not make it home safely to his/her family because they are out there protecting us.

The other story was about a woman in Oklahoma whose Christmas light display was a huge hand flipping off her whole neighborhood. It was actually meant to only flip off the neighbor she had some disagreements with, but the whole neighborhood suffered through this. Police were called, and she was asked to remove it or be fined. We know what happens now, right? She goes to court to fight to leave this light display up not only through christmas, but the whole year... all the time. The case is currently pending, and I'm sure will eventually also make it to the supreme court.

Since when did our society become so distorted that our Supreme Court Justices are hearing cases like this? OH, and I would so be bragging if I were this woman, and I won this court case. "Look kids... Grandma won the right to flip the whole neighborhood off in a Christmas/whole year, light display!" "Now we can all enjoy the right to put obscene language on our homes for ALL to see." NOT!! Or, "Look kids, Daddy won the right for the whole country to flip off our police officers..." NOT!! Not, not, not. What is wrong with people? Gah!

Here are my guidelines for taking a stand.

Make it count. Make sure it's something that is going to be beneficial to society. Make it something you are proud to tell your friends, and kids/grandkids about. Will it benefit our community, city, state, country, or will it only benefit you in that moment. Hmmm... I don't know.

Okay... time to step off of my soap box now!

Day 4 of 2013

Whew, this year has been hectic! Ha, just kidding. I plan on going back to work Monday, so nothing has really been hectic for me as of yet. I should be feeling the pressure, but my procrastination, has somehow made me feel as if I have all of the time in the world to do what I need to do. I'm supposed to be working on an adaptive yoga certification, and an ABA assistant cert, but here I sit, drinking coffee, and planning out my household chores. FUN stuff, I tell ya'!

The start of the new year also rings in the return of my healthy ways. I have to admit, I'm worse now than I was at this time last year. I've slipped into all kinds of bad habits that I am now having to backtrack on, and fix. I was also very disappointed with myself for having to start a beginner's exercise program. Seriously?!?!?! I haven't been this out of shape in years... I mean, 10 at least. Plus, I've been dragging, mentally and physically. It's true what they say... you are what you eat. I've been eating a bunch of junk, and I feel like junk.

Anyway...
I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned that we took in two puppies. That's it for this chick household. NO more animals. They haven't really changed the dynamics in the house though. They're very good little girls, and have sweet dispositions. I think they're adorable, but the wife thinks they're ugly. If I could post pictures of them I would, but I'm not purchasing more Google memory for a monthly fee, so you guys will have to take my word for it. I really need to get my Chicks' Facebook page up to date... maybe I'll just provide links for you guys to see the pictures there! Hmm... sounds like a good plan to me! My next blog post will have links.

I hope you ALL have a wonderful, amazing weekend! Fill that happy jar!!

Now I shall leave you with a song that I listen to over and over... I love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE

"Settle dow-owwwwn, it'll all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down... if you get lost you can always be found... just know you're not alone, 'cause I'm going to make this place your home..."

Happy Birthday 2013!!

This isn't going to be a post about anything in particular. In all honesty, I don't think I've ever really completely focused on one exact thing when I write my posts. It's not in me to do that at ALL!!

This isn't going to be a blog about New Year's resolutions... I've made those each year, and each year, I've started out staying committed, but then I fall. Oh, and when I fall, it's hard. In other words, if my resolution was to eat healthy, in order to fall hard, I not only don't eat healthy, but I eat things I'd usually not touch with a 10 foot pole, under the guise of "Hey, we only live once!"

This isn't going to be a blog about the world, or the state of our nation, or anything like that because again, in all honesty, I have no control over it, and see no reason to dwell, worry, or panic over it. I mean, I have a life I have to live, and I can't live it when I'm having panic attacks over things that I cannot possibly change.

This is just a post to check in... to say hi. To let you all know I hope you have a wonderful 2013. I'm doing a photo album on Facebook with at least 1 picture from each day of the year. I'm doing a "happy" jar, writing down the things that make me happy (big or small), that I will open at the end of this year.

I will make one resolution... I will try to blog more this year!

Regrets...

We will always have them. No matter what, we will always feel like there is something we could have done better. Especially when a death occurs. The wife's family recently lost a loved one, and the regrets being voiced, the guilt being expressed, only compound the sadness.

This is to my family:

"When the time comes that I pass from this world into the next, please don't have regrets. Please don't feel guilt. Unless you purposely caused harm to me (in which case I will haunt the Hell out of you), there is no reason to feel these useless feelings. It's the old "coulda', shoulda', woulda'." You cannot change the past. You can only change what lies before you.

I understand that I am not your first thought, or priority. I understand you will have families of your own, in-laws, friends, a LIFE. I want all of those things for you. I want you living life to its fullest. Even if it means you didn't make it to dinner, or you spent the holidays somewhere else. It is after all what I want for you... a life that is happy, and full.

I have learned that there is no amount of time spent with a loved one that is "good enough" when they are gone. You will feel the guilt... you will think to yourself, "I could have done more." I don't expect more at the expense of your time with your own families. I don't expect more if it means you are missing out. My happiness will come from knowing you were out living your life. My peace will come from the knowledge that you are surrounded by people who love you as much as I do."

Yes, my family will see this. I need them to know this.

Anyway:
I hope to live many more years... watch my children grow into wonderful, productive, happy, adventurous adults. Hopefully I will get a grandchild or two out of it (NOT right now!) I want to go back to Big Sur and New York. I want to go to Washington State, Oregon, Chicago... oh so many places. I want to live my life without regret... the regret of NOT living it that is. That would be my own fault. I'd have no one to blame for that.

Colorful Friday

Happy post Thanksgiving, everyone!

I hope you all enjoyed time with your family, and delicious foods!!

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed with the lack of Facebook posts about friends' super duper Black Friday deals. I know many of them were planning on shopping today, and while a few years ago, I'd have given anything to go, these past few years I have had NO desire. Don't get me wrong, I love to shop, I just don't like throngs of crazy, self-absorbed people surrounding me, fighting over things that are few and far between on this particular day. All products currently sold out today, will be replenished on Monday. Maybe not at the same price, but my fluctuating like and dislike of other humans does not need any negative reinforcement. Oh, and I'm not calling my friends self-absorbed, I think it's something that overtakes people when they're in that type of situation. Competition or something... whew... craziness!

Honestly, I think I'm really starting to show my age. Yesterday, the family was so excited about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... but not me. It was too much loud, obnoxious music, that didn't inspire any type of Christmas spirit at all. I mean, why couldn't it be like this? I really think my past life was lived in this time period. Take no notice of the last float... "politically incorrect" didn't exist back then, right???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKbMq3di4aM

The unseasonably warm weather didn't help with my lack of holiday spirit, either. I did take a walk with my Cammy though, and took pictures of the pretty Fall trees. It's nothing like pictures I've seen of Maine, but still something to be appreciated. Especially when we have no trees around our house.

I love trees. When we lived in Dallas, we had the most spectacular back yard, full of trees. The bedroom was like a huge treehouse, with windows, and a balcony all the way around. I loved going out there to sit, and it was especially beautiful in the Fall, when the leaves were falling. It was like a colorful snow! Most would say we have a spectacular back yard now, and we do, but I miss my trees.

SO, I think I'll post some pictures of yesterday's tree walk, and I was going to try to download some pics from Dallas too, but Google is trying to make me purchase storage!?!?!?! When on earth did this happen? Ridiculous... I may have to blog from Facebook. I love posting pictures, but not for a monthly fee.

Anyway, we plan on spending our day relaxing, and Christmas decorating. The wife apparently got started last night... I was in bed at 10. I KNOW... way too early!

What do you guys do the day after Thanksgiving?

Dear...

Today is Thanksgiving here... a day we're supposed to take time out, to give pause to our actually very blessed lives. From the richest, to the poorest, from Christian, to Muslim, to Buddhism, if you live in America, you are truly blessed.

We can worship what, and where we want, shop where we want, wear what we want, eat what we want, carry guns, speak our minds, we do have access to medical care whether we end up in a county hospital or a private one, and we can wake up every morning, to the sound of traffic, birds, whatever surrounds you, and know when walking out our door, that we will more than likely make it back home later that day, alive and well. No, we don't have it all... but we have more than most. We are blessed.

Last night, I was in bed, trying so hard to sleep, and I was thinking about God... I talk to Him a lot, and I always start our conversation out "Dear God..." I'm not sure if it's because of that song I used to listen to long ago, that was considered so sacrilege, but I loved it, or if it's because of the book I've seen on shelves called "Letters to God."

Never mind the reason though... it always starts the same, and just know, that this isn't a super religious post about a certain religion. This is about God. Whether we believe in His existence, or not, most of us do believe in something, and have faith in something bigger. For me, this is God. It's what fuels us, drives us, it's who/what we turn to when our souls need sustenance, it's what we worship, what we pay homage to. SO, just know when I talk about God, I know that our ideas and beliefs may be different, but they are still based on the same basic principles.... mostly. ;)

Anyway, lets move past the disclaimer! Last night went kind of like this...


"Dear God,

What do you think? Are you proud of us? Our accomplishments? It doesn't seem to me, that what we've got going on here is something to be proud of. That scares me, because we as humans, are very proud of our accomplishments. Our technology, our inventiveness, our way of life. It scares me, because we are SO proud, that we don't stop to ask you, "Are you proud?"

Even the way we worship has become something to be proud of. These HUGE churches, gathering tons of money, to build bigger and better places, when you provided us with plenty of space to pray, to sing, to show our love. I'm talking about mountains, and valley's, and fields, and forests... the perfect place to quietly contemplate, and talk to you.

We don't do that though... quietly talk to you. We make it BIG, we expect others to be just like us, to do just like us, or we judge them. We can't co-exist. I guess we never could. Are you proud that we judge and kill in your name? I don't think you are. I think you shake your head at us, and hope we can finally get it right. Some people do... get it right I mean. Just not enough to really make a difference in this huge world you created.

There are stars in the sky, beautiful sunrises, amazing sunsets, the trees are so pretty right now (I just noticed yesterday that they're finally starting to change here!), little animals everywhere, that make it without all of the things we feel we need to survive on... all of it is SO fragile, yet not as fragile as we are with our amazing advances, and technology. Those are the things that have made us the most fragile, because we have become so advanced, that we would not be able to survive without it, now.

So, I don't know why I'm feeling so low on this Thanksgiving Eve... I guess because I see what's going on, and I'm not proud, I'm scared. I feel like I'm standing back, behind everyone else and watching. They hustle and bustle, and live, and exclaim, and disclaim. It's like watching subways rush by you, and not really even being able to distinguish the train's form in the blur. I'm really hoping that today, a day in America when MOST of us, regardless of religious beliefs, take time to give thanks, and that those subways will slow down, stop, and think reflectively."

SO that was last night...

Today, I woke up at 7, fed my zoo, listened to them play, and now I'm about to go wake my family. I'll be making them all breakfast, then taking my Cam dog for a walk. He needs mommy time, and I can take pictures of the beautiful trees with their pretty new colors.

I'm so thankful for the natural beauty that surrounds us, for my furry babies, for my family, for good, fattening food! Life is too short, it's meant to be lived, and we're meant to love each other. Every form of life deserves respect, and honor. So today, be sure to stop and look around... you would be surprised at what you see!!