This is why...

I totally love my wife...

A few nights ago we're were lying (or is it laying?) in bed, and I told her how worried I am about our class pet. It's a turtle and the children named her Four. I told the wife that it's cold in our classroom during the day and that I can only imagine how cold it must get at night. I told her how I hold the turtle in my lap to warm her. I can tell when she gets warm because her back legs will come out of her shell.

We decided to bring the turtle home. The guy at the pet store said Four needed a heat lamp, a pool, and large glass aquarium so she'll have room to walk around. Wow... okay. I buy all this stuff, pick the turtle up from the school and take it home.

The wife seemed surprised to find me walking up the stairs with a turtle in my arms. At first she was in shock (she said I was holding it like a baby and it's little legs were hanging down as if it were in a pouch. She also thought I was scared of it.), then she wanted to hold her, then she told me to bring the stuff upstairs to get her settled in her new space. She was very excited... running around clearing a space and such.I tried to explain to her that the aquarium is big and that we really don't need it in our room, but she wasn't having any of that.

So, we are now cohabitating with Florence the turtle. The wife is calling it HERS, and I think that's pretty cute.

This is why I love my wife!

In your shoes

"I would never go back to my teen years." This told by me to a teen not belonging to me in an exercise performed in a workshop I sent my daughter to.

You see, I get that being a teen is hard. You're still feeling your way around, learning lessons that will hopefully lead to your success as an adult. You're trying on different ideas about life, who you are, who you want to be, and who you want your friends to be. You're insecure about everything under the sun except the pictures you take of yourself in the bathroom mirror.. I assume you aren't insecure about those since you post them ALL over facebook. ALL of you do it, The boys with no shirt on... :::yuck:: Just saying... and the girls are usually puckering their lips in some odd sort of ummmm... is it supposed to be a pout? Your parents should be seen and not heard... well, really not seen either, but you make concessions... being home together is okay, but not out and about. 

I get it... but you don't see the other side. You don't see that I have no idea what I'm doing.You don't believe I'm not out to ruin your life. You don't realize the decisions I make regarding you are at times a direct result of your actions. You don't get that I'm doing everything in my power to give you the teen years you deserve... the teen years I missed out on. 

I've never had a teen, and because my teen years were cut short due to a mentally ill mother, I have no idea what being a "normal" teen means. I want you to have friends. I want you to have fun. I want you to have your driver's license. I want you to have a car, and a curfew, and boyfriend. I want you to have the "best" clothes, the "best" electronics, the "best" of everything you want.

I have expectations... I expect you to be responsible... get your school work done and stop giving excuses as to why it didn't make it into your teachers inbox on the day it was due. I expect you to be honest with me. I've never given you a reason to lie, regardless of the situation. This makes it hard when you lie about little things... I wonder about the bigger events in life. I expect you to own your mistakes... stop blaming others for your issues. I expect you to do what you're asked to do without an argument... a request to take out the trash, at times turns into a 30 minute debate as to why you have to do it. I expect you to have respect for yourself, the people you come into contact with, and for the people in your family.

We sent the girl to a workshop this weekend, and I guess we were hoping to see a major change in her right away. We expected new languaging, both verbal and body. We expected her to be like the other teens in the workshop... happy, dancing around, making friends, loving life. She was aloof, acting as if she was better than all of that. Maybe the change will come slowly... she did come away talking about it in a positive manner. Patience...

.

In the news

I'm currently sitting in front of DFW airport eagerly awaiting the wife's arrival from ummm... Well, I can't remember, great. Yes, she's been many different places as of late... No, I'm not getting early dementia. I promise.

While waiting, I've been getting caught up on current events...

In the headlines:

"Where should sex offenders live?" Really? They shouldn't live.

"1m bond set for Ohio kidnapper" Why is this man even offered the option? I mean, he is obviously guilty... There is no maybe he did it. There is no excuse for his crime that could make it "okay."

"Pink is pregnant" I hope she has a healthy baby and that she doesn't lose sleep over their teen years as I have thus far.

"Is Bristol Palin in the "Dancing" finals? Who really cares...

"Bush: Obama deserves to govern without criticism from me" And people deserve to live and love freely too... I'm sure Bush would disagree.

"Hospital care fatal for some Medicare patients" Well, Obama did basically say people needed to be euthanized once they reached a certain age and became a drain on the healthcare system. Is this his plan?



Okay... The wife has landed! Yay!






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Futility?

If you've been reading my blogs, you're well aware of my writer's block. I've been working very hard on overcoming this block, but my mind has been so, ummmm... smudged lately. I haven't been thinking clearly and I forget every thing! I'm too young to develop senility, and too old not to remember my birthday!

I suppose this mind boggling smudge on my brain is causing at least a small portion of my block. Due to this, I've been doing small writing exercises... my attempt to get the juices flowing again. Once that happens, I can get back to my serious writing.

I actually started writing a book a few months ago. Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I had an outline. I just stared at him. No outlines, although I did try. I tried to wrap my head around it, but it just didn't come. I write from the cuff. I know direction is needed, but I like to see what happens as I go. For a list person such as myself, this isn't really common practice, but it's the only way I function in my stories.

I stopped focusing on the book soon after I started it. Then I looked back at old writings, and realized I have a few different book beginnings lying dormant in documents. I suppose I've been giving up, setting myself up to fail, looking for excuses not to do finish things out. After much encouraging from the wife and some friends, I've decided to go for it. I mean, the most horrible thing that can happen is that I can receive negative feedback. Negative feedback is actually good, right? Because I can use that to improve myself.

So, with that said, I've decided to post one of my creative writing activities. Here it is:

Have you ever yearned for something so much that your insides hurt? Have you ever felt such a great need for something, that nothing, absolutely nothing, could fill it except that which you long for? There are few things in life that I long for… few things I truly need. I do long for peace… peace around me, peace within me. Most of the time I have it, but there are times I need to find it… search it out. Now is one of those times. One of those times I long… One of those times I need.


Almost

My hair is somewhat stringy and in my face. I’m continuously brushing it from my eyes. I take a deep breath, mouth open… immediately I taste the air. It’s salty/sweet/warm/cold. I intently listen to the sounds around me. They are at times softer than a lullaby, but then can also be as hard and rough as a heavy metal rock band playing for a crowd of admirers.

The smells cling to my hair, skin, and clothes as they drop from the wind. They stick to me for hours and I know that nothing less than a shower will help. I don’t care about any of this though, because for me, this is happiness. This is peace. I love the smell, the sounds, the taste. This is where I want to be and this is where I stay.

Earlier I was digging for sunglasses, and now I’m tossing them aside. Earlier I was feeling a bit warm, now my skin is hot, but I’ve got goose bumps. I tug my jacket on, pulling my hair out of the restraint of the collar. My hair is tangled and damp, and the jacket sleeves are sticking to my arms, but I’m happy. My shoes have been discarded and the blanket I’m sitting on is about to be drenched. High tide is coming.

I reach over for something… the one thing that would have made this moment perfect. The one thing that fills my heart more than this amazing ocean in front of me, and the one thing that inspires me more than the mountains behind me. I love her. I close my hand as it were holding hers. I'm oblivious to the sand filtering through my fingers feeling only what I want to feel. Her warmth surrounds me.

The water rushes up, reaching my toes this time and the chill startles me. I open my hand because now all I feel is the sand that had formed a small clump in my grasp. All I feel is the chill in the air... I could almost feel her.

The phone rings bringing me out of my daydream. I ignore it and look around my bedroom. It's dark now.

I could almost feel the ocean. I could almost taste and smell the ocean air. I could almost hear the waves and the gulls. Almost…

Crying...

Crying is healthy... a good thing. I searched endlessy on YouTube for a particular episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Debra told Raymond about her need for alone time. He was curious as to why she would need such a thing, so he decided to spy on her. As he's looking through a window, he spots her sitting on the couch crying. He's in shock and wonders why she's crying. Is she unhappy with him? Is she faking happiness when he's around? What on earth has he done to upset her so? When she finds out he spied on her, she explains that sometimes she just needs a good cry.

I'm not one to cry. I mean, there are times I really want to... times I really need to, but I just can't get it out. I blame this on my very messed up childhood and then my very messed up marriage. I mean, crying really didn't help a situation. It actually made it worse and would at times draw unwanted attention. So, I held it in.

Now here I am, a grown woman who is unable to cry... until last night and today. OH MY goodness, I think I've lost my mind! I'm crying over the kids, the wife, the dogs, lack of sleep, lack of drive...

Is this PMS at its worst? Is it menopause? Seriously!!!!

Here's a video to commemorate this occasion... warning though... don't have the volume up too loud or the beginning will scare you to death!

Happiness is...

My morning latte!

Making smore with my family outside by the water!

Getting to go to Mississippi to see my team play, THEN watching them win!!

A silly all girl sleepover with friends for Halloween!

Mountains above me and ocean below me!

Enjoying our backyard from our balcony

The furry babies... and the cat too!

Last but NOT least my family... I would post a picture, but the wife would freak!

What makes you happy? :)