When I got divorced, they had the bedroom (when we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment), then they each had their own room (when we lived in a two bedroom apartment). I sacrificed for them, because I thought it would help them see that this is what we do for those we love. I taught them not to hit, or bite. I taught them to be kind to others, and they were in church every Sunday.
So now I'm sitting here, wondering what to do next. The wife is completely frustrated with the girl, and I am so messed up as to how to handle the boy.
The girl is 18 now. We've got many trust issues with her, and the wife and I have hit a crossroad as to how to handle her. I think she needs to be able to go out and do what she's going to do. She needs to be able to make mistakes without being under our ever watchful eye, because that just encourages more lying. I mean, she's going to do it, and because we're constantly on her, she's going to lie. I want her in a dorm ASAP... the wife doesn't want to pay for it now, yet she wants her out of the house. I've always said unless she gets pregnant or is doing drugs, I'm not just going to toss her out. Not for her trying to exercise some of her 18 year old rights... I'll be going to the school Tuesday to try to get this child into a dorm. Wish me luck. I think she needs to be out from under this roof, and living with kids her age. It's time, and in my head, it's the only way she will learn how to live her life.
As for as the boy... he's GOT to learn how to communicate. He had been talking to a girl ALL summer via text. A cute, smart girl. I'm pretty sure that he didn't even look at her when school started though. Now she's dating a football player. SO I don't know what to do for him. He of course won't say anything to me about any of it, but I'm sure he's bothered in some way. I mean, do I make him play football? Do I run out and get him those contacts he wants so badly? I'm doing that anyway. Do I force him into the gym (he's skinny, and I do want him to gain some weight)? How do I help him gain enough confidence and comfort to talk to people??? This girl he was talking to, told me last night that it takes the boy a good few months to warm up and start talking. Ridiculous.
I hurt for these kids of mine in different ways, and I don't know how to help. The girl, I feel pretty sure about what I think she needs. The boy, I want so desperately to help. BUT how??? Ugh!