Just Two Chicks!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My transportation to Fearlessness

**I started writing this at about 5:30. I'm not sure how clear it will be, but I wanted to pull a thematic photographic moment (transportation 203 on Carmi's blog) into my thought process this morning. My goal was not to be "cheesy,"  but to offer a different view, not only on the thematic, but on conquering fear, and the things that we feel hold us back. I'm slowly working my way through a book that I hope will help shed some light on what I need to do to reach that "fearless" level in my life. Now I do believe I'll post this without editing... exhaustion, or me trying to be fearless in the face of typos, bad punctuation, and grammar? A little of both... 

Last night's attempt at sleep was a useless endeavor. I would doze off, then either jolt awake with bad dreams (I think I kicked one of my dogs at one point), or wake up roasting hot. At 5 one of the dogs needed to go out, so I took them all out. I was hoping this morning would be like the others... I take them out, they get their cookies, then we all head back to bed. Well, that wasn't the case. My smallest one, Tallulah, here she is....



was restless. I decided to just go ahead and get up. We have doggie issues. If one of them is up and roaming, it puts Cam, here he is...



in some type of guard dog, predatory mode. He will attack. ::sigh::  Then the wife gets pissy (she never remembers the next day... must be nice), and then I really cannot sleep.

So here I am... I wanted to talk for a minute about a book I've been reading. No, it's not "Fifty Shades of Grey." It's so funny to sit in an airport, or Starbucks and watch women read this book. You can tell when they're at a good part because their facial expressions get really goofy.

Anyway, this book is by Arianna Huffington... you know, from the Huffington Post. It's called "On Becoming Fearless, in Love, Work, and Life." As most of you know, I'll have moments in which anxiety consumes me. Often this isn't due to an actual panic attack, but my preparation and worry over having one. My anxiety stems from a number of sources, from too much thought and not enough action as far as my life, to things that should actually fill me with fear (like snakes... I'm thinking back to the bad dream that had me kicking a dog off of the bed).

I started reading this book on our cruise (in the midst of my neurotic stress over making it through the excursions without a panic attack). It was perfect timing, because here's the deal... I'm not worried about sinking ships, robberies while on the trails, or anything else like that. My worry is, as Huffington puts it, quite narcissistic. It's focused inward, and I can change that. So what if I have a panic attack... I'll get past it, and move on, and more than likely, no one would notice because it's not like I fall to the ground, and go fetal. I mean, sure I would like to at times, but it isn't panic that drives that particular train.

As we left the ship the next morning, I kept repeating to myself... "No fear, no fear, no fear." Then I saw this...



I took it as a sign... I mean, seriously!!! The family wondered why on earth I was so excited about this sail boat.

Panic attacks are not the only thing that hold me back. I hold myself back... I think about things too much, I cling to the acceptance and support of others in my life (meaning the wife). If I don't have that, I stop trying.

There are so many things I want to do, so many open doors, if only I felt I could walk through them. Sure, some of them are easier than others, but the more difficult ones, are only difficult because they require support... or do they.


I mean, once these things are lowered, they're a bitch to get back up. Literally and figuratively.


So, I peddle around in circles (literally in this picture), with my life jacket on, even though, I really don't need it. I can swim... so why don't I???

If I don't at least try to swim then....



I'll sink without ever knowing if I could have made it...

It's time for me to stop using others as an excuse as to why I'm not doing what I want and need to do. I'm in such a fortunate position right now in that I can do anything I want to do. I can take this opportunity to go back to school for my MPA, to volunteer with all of the organizations I once volunteered for, to get out and be as politically active as I once was, to be that passionate about the rights of others, and to revisit my religious beliefs and upbringing, or I can stand by and let life happen. The thing is, I owe my good fortune to the wife, and I truly need her support. Otherwise, my fortunate situation isn't really mine to be had, is it?

On another note... I've declared my car the best in the world due to it's innovative features. I don't ever eat things like corn dogs, but the other day, I caved to my cravings, and ordered one. I also ordered a grape cream slush, and this is what I discovered about my car...



It has a corn dog holder! Now some of you may beg to differ, but for me, at this moment, it was the perfect corn dog holder. 

9 comments:

Anita said...

Somewhere, I read a review of Arianna's book and was impressed by whatever I read; to the point of making a mental note. Of course, I forgot about it, but here it pops up again. Hmmm...

I hope you will have some aha moments while reading it; some that can be life changing without a lot of effort. In other words, when things naturally fall in place because our brains "got it;" it's better than forcing ourselves based on trying to be someone we "should" be.

I'd love to ride that big-wheeled thing!

Good metaphors throughout.

Karen S. said...

Sometimes you just have smile right! Life is wonderful..... and your TP photos are awesome! Great post, hope you have a great week and a super weekend!

Titanium said...

This is great. And awesome. It's GOOD to hear the renewed strength in your 'voice' and see the ground you've taken...

The photos and story are perfect for the theme- like the song says... "If you can't stand the way this place is, take yourself to higher places..."

That's transportation.

Rob-bear said...

May you be ever fearless and stay forever young (in your mind). Think young; think energy; think nervy; think action! You can do it. If you do it a few times, it may become a habit. (Reminds me of something I read recently on a blog; cannot remember which blog.)

And use your corn dog holder as often as you need it!

That Janie Girl said...

I think I'm going to buy that book. You remind me of myself!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

My car doesn't have a corndog holder!

Nice pics. Doggies are here to make sure we pay attention to life.
~

Bob Scotney said...

I just hope your car is stationary when you eat that lot.

theMuddledMarketPlace said...

likin it

Carmi Levy said...

I love how you chose to interpret the theme. Journeys take all forms, and the most important ones are the ones that result in us growing as people.

I have no worries about where yours is taking you.