Haha, just kidding. Seriously though, I am totally sure it was like this when we were young too, but have you ever noticed how many of today's songs focus on the negative aspects of relationships? I'm not talking about the "Oh we made it through the rough spots," kind of songs... I'm talking about the "Baby, I hit you, and that's how I know I love you..." You know? The message to me is, if we don't fight, and if things aren't explosive, then it must not be deep and meaningful.
I don't like this message, it's not accurate, and it's not a way I want my children to live their lives. I want my son to treat a woman right, and I want him treated right. The same for my daughter. Having a volatile relationship does not mean you have something deep. Those strong emotions... the ones that make you cry so hard your head hurts, are not an indication of strong feelings of love.
The wife and I have never had a volatile relationship. We have disagreements... as you've read. We've had about two major arguments, one of them a few nights ago. This last argument was a combination of our frustration over the girl's drama, and my frustration over the wife's drinking. She popped one more beer, and I lost it. TOTALLY. I can tell you now, I don't like it when I reach my limit. I don't like that feeling.
So, I don't get why some people think these awful feelings make your relationship more meaningful...
There will be rough times that you'll have to weed through, and hopefully your relationship will be stronger for it. Rough times are being out of work, trying to feed your family, and keep a roof over their heads. A rough time is dealing with a serious illness or accident, and trying not to place blame, or dealing with the guilt, even if it's misplaced. A rough time is growing apart, and trying to find yourselves again. A rough time is watching the one you love lose themselves in drugs, or mental illness.
If you have to create a rough time in order to have a strong feeling, then maybe... just maybe it isn't right to begin with. Why isn't anyone teaching our kids this? Why is it, when you try to teach them this, by example, and through discussion, they don't listen, and they think you're just about the most ignorant person alive? The girl is 18 now, and we just don't think she will ever learn. We talk and talk, and she continues to make bad choices. The wife says there are no consequences... I'm not sure what type of consequence we could create, that would actually teach her anything.
We're pretty much ready for her to experience life on her own... move her into a dorm, let her make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. The problem is, she hasn't learned from her mistakes yet, so it worries me. Ahhh... I am really hoping art school, a job, and dorm life will help get her to the level of maturity she will need in order to make it on her own.