Excuses

It’s been a few days since I’ve blogged and there are very good reasons for that. Well, maybe not very good, but… okay… I have excuses.

My excuses:

1.I was spending as much time with the kids as I could. They left to be with their dad for a month and I wanted to be sure to get in some good quality time. Now I realize that cleaning the house, running errands and such may not equal quality time, but it gets them out of their rooms and we’re actually communicating a little. I’ll see them on Tuesday because the boy has to go take a test. His school wants to advance him a grade in math, but they need to make sure he’s ready for that. Then I’ll see them on Wednesday because it’s my daughters 16th birthday. Then we’ll see them again on the 17th and 18th because we have company picnics. SO, it won’t be too bad.

2.I have writers' block. I told the wife I was going to closet myself and just write. I told her I hadn’t written anything good in awhile, and umm, unfortunately she agreed. Then she says it’s because I’m not happy. I think the problem is actually the opposite of that. I write well when I’m struggling with something. Make me happy and I’m a freakin’ blank slate. I’m glad the wife doesn’t lie to me, but it makes it a bit harder to sit down and blog because I feel like everything is so mundane. Seriously though, if I could blog everything I wanted to, it would be anything but mundane. Unfortunately I am censored and I get it.

3.I have been totally nuts lately. I’m not kidding. It’s PMS, but if you’re one who doesn’t believe in that type of thing then call it what you want. It’s not pleasant. I have been a whirlwind of emotional insecurity these past 4 days. “I’m a horrible parent…” “I’m boring and uninteresting for the wife…” “I can’t do anything right…” “I’m fat…” Seriously, I’m making myself crazy and then… THEN I worry that I’m pushing the wife away with all of this insecurity and that just piles more of the same on… ughhhh!!! Because in my head I’m trying to reason THAT one out… “Well she gets PMS…” “She has issues going on too that could possibly make me crazy…” Then I go through that list in my head which makes me circle back to “I’m BORING…” OH my God… see what I mean? It’s nuts! (I personally find this to be the best excuse since it is playing out at this very moment!)

Those are my excuses. Here’s what I’m going to do next.

1.I am still planning on working on my Docublog. It will be slow because I want it to be good. I have ideas floating around and am meeting with my friend on Tuesday to kick some things around.

2.I’m going to take my own advice. I’m “helping” a girl who has just gone through a break-up. I’m good at this, but I have no “license.” Anyway, I told this girl to write her story… her life. I wanted to read it before I tried to “help” her. I’ve decided that I too will write my story. Now I’ve done this before and had a ton of subscribers on Myspace. I have since stopped using Myspace, but I did walk away with some advice. I just don’t know that I can follow it. A friend of mine told me that you have to be able to look at the bad things with humor. That you’ll know you’ve truly let go of things when you can laughingly write about it and have people laugh with you. I can’t find humor in my past. I figure the first blog will list random memories which may be good or bad. Whichever comes to mind first… bear with me if you happen to be reading this. I’m hoping it will help me get a grip on the whirlwind inside of me right now. I may actually get it posted directly after this one if the wife doesn’t come to bed soon. She’s visiting with her mother downstairs.

This is all I’ve got… my excuses and my plan. SO here we go!