|Calvin AKA The Calvinator|
Friday, March 18, 2011
My life in a bubble
Last night I said I no longer wanted anything... that was drastic. I'm going to recant that. There are things I want...
1. I want to be able to turn on the television without hearing about the horrible crimes Joe Blow committed against his neighbor or family.
2. I want to trust in my Government...
3. I want to be able to send my kids to a public school and know they are getting what they need in order to be responsible, productive members of society.
4. I want to know that my choice to be a teacher was not the biggest mistake of my life... or worse the biggest mistake of my kids' teachers' lives. This goes back to trusting in my Government...
5. I want my furry babies to live as long as I do.
6. I want to know that the boy who went missing on our lake at the beginning of his spring break has been found safe and sound.
7. I want to know that the innocents who suffer on earth, are finally able to feel love and safety when they pass on.
6. I want to know that the world isn't falling apart.
I could go on... but I won't. Here is my problem. All I've wanted to do since I was a young kid, is help... people, animals, etc. etc. All I've wanted was to make a difference. I was going to join the military right out of high school, but couldn't because I had severe asthma. I wanted to join the Peace Corp, but ended up getting married at 21, and just never did. So I volunteered, joined organizations, I ran, cooked, sorted foods, and went door to door for different political agendas.
Last Saturday, I decided I was done... I will no longer turn the news on. I will no longer pull up CNN. I am choosing to live in a bubble. It's actually very nice here... I can watch the sailboats drift by and wonder if these people are also living in a bubble. It makes me feel better to think I'm not the only one choosing ignorance. I can listen to the jet skis bounce across the waves and know that there are fun things going on. I can come on here and read about each of your lives... I can go to the store in my new, small town and come home not knowing one thing is wrong outside of this little bubble.
I don't know... I know it sounds nuts, but I now get anxious when I read about yet another natural disaster. I worry about the people involved. I go to bed thinking about it, have bad dreams, then wake the next day wondering what has transpired during those already sleepless hours. I know it sounds selfish, and this is just how I felt when we were heading to the funeral of my friend's son. I finally told the wife on our way to the funeral, that I was trying very hard not to be selfish, but that I was so scared I would have a panic attack. My stomach had been a mess the whole day... I wasn't trying to turn it into a me thing, and I certainly didn't want to draw attention to myself during this poor boy's funeral.
Just know I'm not trying to be selfish by choosing my bubble, and I'm sure I'll pop it eventually. I just need it right now... at least for these next few days.
We'll be saying goodbye to our furry baby boy tomorrow night. I have the pet hospice coming out at 7:30. Tonight has been rough for him. We both hope he passes on without the hospice. It's so hard to make this type of decision, even when you know it's right.