Staying Awake... Recovery

Recovery from what you may wonder... it's nothing deep or disturbing. Just recovery from vacation. I had planned on a "Happy Thanksgiving" blog post before we left, but things got busy, and I got sick, and then things were busy again. I was stressing over the kids, the dogs, the cruise itself. I always stress over vacations that we're taking with other people. That means meeting up and hanging out, and making plans. Plus the wife started drinking again, and I was so worried she would overdo it... but she didn't, and for that I am grateful. Anyway, on our trips, I just want to sleep in, have my coffee on the balcony, stare out over the water as it rushes under the boat, and thennn leave the room for the thrills of the cruise... no planning, no rushing.

Oh, I do not need any stress over the planning of the excursions... if there is a problem in that area, my stomach develops a mind of its own, which in turn, pretty much takes me out for the count. It sucks. I like to do things spontaneously... then I have no time to fret! I have list of spontaneous activities for all occasions... you know, so I can be spontaneous.

Overall, the wife and I really enjoyed our time. We sleep well with the rocking of the ship, and have actually looked up rocking beds online. I'm not kidding, though we would probably never buy one. It was just an idea. I can see us throwing our legs over the side of the bed, causing it to rock in that direction, thus causing the dogs to take flight.  Lets not even think about other types of bedroom actions... we'd probably end up with broken bones.

Anyway...

This was a Thanksgiving cruise and I spent a lot of time giving thanks.

You see, there once was a time in my life, that vacation was that thing you did to get away from the grind and grime of life. We would go and stay in luxurious places, eat food we would never have at home, take tons of pictures to capture beauty we wouldn't find in our own city, sleep in as late as we wanted, and dread coming home... back to the grind and the grime. I call it grime because when things are old and worn, there isn't a whole lot we can do to "clean" them up. From baseboards, to furniture, to countertops, to floors. The detail in resorts, on cruise ships, etc., is so intricate... so beautiful, that I would come home and notice every scratch, every imperfection, every worn out cushion, and chipped sink.

Over the years, life has changed, and so have I, though I cannot pinpoint an exact moment of realization. When we lived in the middle of Dallas, in our old, comfortable 1957 home, with our beautiful stone lined river walk in the back, I was happy to come home. I loved the smell of our old home. I loved our beautiful backyard with the huge trees that had a history longer than my life. I loved our neighborhood, with everything right at my fingertips, from my favorite grocery store, Central Market, to my favorite taco place, Fuzzy's Tacos, and my favorite odd/international items store, World Market. We still saw things on vacation that we loved, but we were pleased to come home to Dallas, the brightly lit city, and our beautiful home.

This trip was quite different from any other. We boarded the boat, looked out over Galveston, and thought, "Wow... so happy we don't live here." We weren't completely satisfied with our accommodations, we weren't completely happy with the boat... we didn't venture into the first port, and we chose not to do an excursion in the second port. I wondered what on earth was wrong with us? Is nothing good enough anymore? Then I thought back to our Washing DC trip, remembering my complete awe with Georgetown, and how excited I was over the train station, etc. I don't know, I think we are just SO very lucky to have what we have, and so very lucky that our home is our paradise.

While I worked out in the gym on the boat, I was looking out over the water and thinking it was so much like home. Hell, I was wishing I was home, because at home, I would have my ceiling fans on and my a/c blasting. It was hot in the boat's gym!

This was an exhausting trip for the wife and I. We were running around 6 straight days, hanging out with people, which we rarely do, having drinks, which the wife only just took up again, gambling way too much, staying up all hours and getting up early so we could squeeze in a coffee and bagel, before we went to hang out with people.

Like I said, our home is our paradise and our peaceful space. I am thankful for my life, for my wife, for my kids, for my furry babies, and I am so thankful to wake up every morning, to my beautiful views inside and out.

We decorated for Christmas before we left on our trip, which made me doubly excited to come home. I'm the kind of person who loves to have her tree up for an extended period of time, but never past the New Year. My Grandmother always said keeping your tree up past new year brings bad luck, and to make sure you're doing what you enjoy most on New Year's day, because that is what you'll spend the majority of your time doing the rest of the year. I sure do miss her.

At the end of this post, you'll find some pre-holiday pictures of some of our decorating efforts...

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday if you celebrate Thanksgiving, and if you don't, I hope you had a wonderful week last week, and a wonderful one to come!!

A bit slurred

This may not be long and it may not make sene. I'm exhausted, on drowsy medicine, and have taken quite  a bit of vitamin c drops which doesn't make me slurred, but bleh!

The boy had his first basketball game tonight and he did great. I'm so proud of him for getting out there and playing. I would have been terrified.

After basketball, we went out to eat, and had quite the wait for a table. Waiting next to us was a group of young adults (I sound so old!!) all with tiny babies, and some with babies and 3/4 year olds. The babies were adorable, but the parents looked so young. I'm not talking young as in teens, but young. As young as I was when I had my own two kids. I looked at my daughter and told her to look closely... that I wanted her traveling and spending time with friends when she's their age... no babies. Not until she's older, and do you know what???? She agreeeeeeeeed! What a moment!

I hope everyone has a great night and day tomorrow!

Dilemma

My dilemma is this:
I have taught many children for many years, with varied abilities and needs. My last special ed class was called RISE... children with severe Autism, who needed a special environment. That was us... our classroom. A very special environment created to meet their sensory and educational needs. Then I taught regular ed. My regular ed classrooms had many children in them with needs that were as yet, undiagnosed (for very good reason), but they were on a "special ed" watch list. Many of these children simply needed extra help and time to mature, to get where they needed to be.

In today's world, we expect a higher level of performance from our children, offer few energy outlets, and little time for exploration.  I'm not really sure what makes us think that just because we expect it, their mental processes and reflexes will be ready, especially when we aren't giving them a chance to grow through experiences. Sure, a few of them will be performing at or above what we expect, but this is not standard. If they aren't above average, which we now consider average... if they aren't ready to sit and listen for extended periods of time... if they aren't reading and writing neatly by the time they enter their mid semester of Kindergarten, they are labeled or put on a watch list. Infant-7 years, need a good sensory diet,  and time to develop fine and gross motor skills. Older children, up through the teen years may also have sensory needs, that if addressed, could give them the tools they need to succeed.

Over the years, more and more children have been diagnosed with all types of sensory disorders and more and more children are somewhere on the spectrum... the Autism spectrum, that is. So, with all of this knowledge, and more (I just don't want to bore anyone), my goal/dream/passion is to provide parents with support, information, and a place they can bring their children for play, and therapy/IEP practice.

Because this is my passion, you would think I would have seen these needs in my own child. I've already discussed the fact that we were having him tested for Aspergers and anxiety disorders. Well, the tests came back and they show Aspergers. I didn't like hearing my suspicions confirmed. I mean, I took him in for a reason, but honestly thought I was simply overreacting to a hormonal teen boys obnoxious behavior. He doesn't look at people when he talks to them, he doesn't like to talk to them, he doesn't expand an answer when asked a question, he has strange (slight) ticks when attention is focused on him, he doesn't have an imagination, he's so black and white... literal. He can joke around, but others often don't get it, and the child expresses no excitement over things that are so freakin' exciting.

After the diagnosis, I've been watching him. I now, truly see his struggle when it comes to ordering his own food at a restaurant, or when he is addressed by others while we're out and about. WHY then, did I not see this before? We went to Starbucks the other day (the one in our grocery store). I sent him over to check on some wraps I was having made at the deli counter. I really had to explain to this very intelligent boy, exactly where to go. He left and the woman in line with me asked, just flat out asked, if he had Aspergers. Really?!?! A complete stranger can see it ( she said because her daughter has it), yet I couldn't. Even though I've struggled with him for years over his shyness, and inability to just go hang out with friends.

Hence, my dilemma, because it's causing guilt. Had I known, I could have handled things differently with him. He wouldn't be struggling as much had I known when he was small. Or would he? I don't know. I mean, he is still a hormonal teenage boy.  I would have at least made sure he had every tool available to him. It turns out he loves deep pressure... I had no idea. I had a bunch of stuff laid out that I was taking to my presentation on sensory diets, and he started playing with one of the props. He loved it. :::Shaking my head:::

Veteran's Day...

For Veterans Day, I'd like to offer some moments of silence: I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend :)

I have no...

I either have no life, or I'm so busy I can't think. Why can't there be a happy medium? These past two days have had me completely bored and restless, and I don't know why. I mean, what's so different about these days, as compared to a few days from each week that has passed? Is it that I'm finally bored of my Sims, I have no homecoming chores, no senior week chores, no presentation preparation, no anything at all??

So, I could be studying for a certification test... I figure I will get myself certified in just about every thing I can. I mean, why not, right? One day teaching jobs may not be so hard to come by, if I ever have to teach again. One day we may have our business open and I can display all of my certifications proudly on a wall in an office I will hopefully never sit in... I say this because I want us to be busy, and if I'm sitting in an office, we are not busy.

I could be folding the laundry... I heard the timer go off about 3 minutes ago.

I could be going for a run but it's chilly out for this Texas woman.

I could be on my elliptical which is exactly where I would be if it weren't freakin' broken. The guy came out today (he was supposed to come yesterday), and now he has to order a part!!! Pfffttt...

SO I'm sitting in the wifes' office while I wait for our housekeeper to clean, which is just wrong in all kinds of ways.First of all, if I'm so bored then why is she cleaning? She's bored too!!!  Second, the guilt... I would rather go somewhere than sit here while she works. She probably wishes we would. If I were her, I would wish that.

Oh look... I get to go somewhere right now! Time to get the kids from school! Have a great night all!

Reflection...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about a few different things, but in my head they are all strung together in a chaotic package full of those things called "feelings." Warning, this is long, but worth the read.

I'm nothing if not honest with myself and others about my opinions, likes, dislikes. So, I'm going to be honest with you guys right now. Honest about my confusion as far as my feelings, that is. 

I've truly been struggling with the whole Occupy Movement for two reasons. I'm not usually so dead set against grassroots movements. I'm the one who wanted to have a "Free Hug" demonstration right along side those who protest gay rights with their signs that say we're going to Hell. I'm the one who helped people fill out forms for food stamps and other financial help, when I knew they were struggling and would qualify. I'm the one who went door to door during the elections to get people to vote. I'm the one who was sickened at the thought of them cutting back on programs like Medicaid and Planned Parenthood, and so much more. 

I understand we need to change things. I know there is corporate and political corruption that needs to be addressed. I know banks use their power and money to lobby for laws that suit them. I know there is no cut in the politician's pay, yet educational programs are cut, and teachers are laid off. I know we are continually screwed by insurance companies, and we have to pay a LOT of money when we do have an illness... I mean, I pay quite a bit of money just to breathe. My asthma meds are expensive. 

SO, with this being said, I've really been trying to figure out why I have a real problem with this movement. 

Here it is:

First of all, I think it causes chaos. I don't believe this type of chaos will get us the desired results. While talking with the people in the park, and listening in on their morning meeting, I didn't once hear how they were going to address the very problems they are protesting. I heard them making plans for bringing this or that tent in, the food planning, what they would do during the rain the next day, and what their schedule would be for the "Soap Box." That day's "Soap Box" discussion- Communal Living, taking from the rich and giving to the poor. I'm going to tell you right now, that anyone who has worked their a**es for what they have doesn't respond well to that. In their heads they do give, when they volunteer, when they give to charities, when they pay their taxes, and believe it or not they do pay a lot toward taxes. Let's define rich... the average rich person, pays the same amount toward taxes that the SUPER rich pay. So lets discuss adding a new tax bracket.... so that the average aren't giving almost 44% of what they earn. 

In my efforts not to sit here like a football fan yelling "Do it better!", yet not offer a suggestion, I wanted to think of other ways Occupy could make changes without the chaos. This group of people... all over the world, seems to be quite resourceful. Why can they not pull their resources, and give us a group of political front runners who will actually be able to correct this mess? I say a group, because one person, sadly, cannot make a change, as we've seen with our current Government. Democrats and Republicans have shown time and time again that they cannot work together for the better of the country and the people. The Republicans are paid for by the right-wing to push their agenda, and the Democrats, well, they have the liberals behind them, which doesn't get them anywhere against the Republicans. We need to elect an entire group of individuals that can work together. A group that understands BIG business is a good thing, but that it needs to be cleaned up. A group that will not succumb to the money of big banks, put stiffer regulations in place, and create watchdog groups.  A group who can come up with a health care system that works for everyone. It's not easy... but we need to start making a change with our voting practices... with our politicians. IF Occupy is truly 99% of the population, then this would be quite successful in a non-chaotic way. 

Second... the chaos scares me... period. I don't like waking up in the morning and reading about a huge demonstration in America, that has ended in teargas and violence, and with an entire port being shut down. I don't like reading about the unrest between Israel and Palestine on the same day. I don't like reading about earthquakes in states that rarely experience them on the same day as I read the other news. It's chaos... I mean seriously. God is NOT happy with us right now, and I can feel it. I felt it this summer when we went over 60 days without rain and with temperatures in 100's. I feel it when I drive by vacant buildings that were once thriving businesses. I feel it when I see a division between races, religions, and cultures. I feel it when I hear about the horrible things people do to children.

When I was a kid, I had nightmares about the world ending. My mother was into the prophets who predicted that stuff and always watched it on television. That along with her mental illness didn't blend well. I remember listening to the years horrible things were supposed to happen, and memorizing every single one of them. I took our plastic soda bottles, refilled them, and kept them in the bottom of my closet in preparation for "the big drought." I was well on my way to becoming a survivalist at a young age, but hell, in my childhood, the world was ending every single day. I had no control at all over the bad. To this day, I am scared of things I have no control over. 

I just figure, if we can keep the chaos to a minimum, if we do things differently, then perhaps that will help keep us here a little while longer. Look, I'm finally happy in life, and would like to enjoy it for many years to come. Selfish, I know. 

Very Important- Lets Help This Family

I read a very touching story in the news a few months ago about a new mom and her sweet, brand new baby girl. This was not your typical "new mommy" story, and it made me cry to read it. Both mom and baby girl are suffering from cancer. It broke my heart as I read it, and changed my attitude for a few days. Not that I'm not already thankful for what I have, for my health, and my family... but on occasion we all need a boost. Anyway... I read the story, and life went on for me as it does. Thank GOD it does.

Today, I went to the CNN website, which, in all honesty, I rarely do anymore. The news is just depressing lately, and it tends to put me in a mood because there are so many horrible things happening, things I have no control over. It makes me sick. Once again, there was another story about this mother and her baby girl. Now things are really bad... dad has lost his job, and baby girl's cancer has now moved into her bone marrow. 

We may not have control over this, but we can do something to help this family right now, by donating money, gift certificates for food, and other items.  

Here is the link to their family blog:

http://newmomnewcancer.blogspot.com/

From the main page they have a fundraising page and information on how to make donations. 

Please, please... lets pull together to help them. If anyone can think of a fundraiser type of thing we can do, don't hesitate to post a comment or email me! 

Petty Things-Yay!

I've decided a blog about petty things should be on today's agenda. I'm not sure why except that I'm quite worked up about so many things right now, and I don't feel like "talking" about it.

SO:

Panty Lines: Do we care or not? The wife says we all wear panties, so why are we worried about having lines and people knowing we have them on? Personally, I would prefer not to think about people in their panties or thongs, or whatever they may be wearing... is it better than going commando? Now there's a thought for you the next time the handy man comes around. I mean, we never do see his underwear... just the crack of his butt. I bet they go commando. Ours of course didn't. We always saw his underwear. They were too big on him and he was always having to pull them up over his pant waist.

Being Ugly: The wife asked me last night if I would rather be fat or ugly. She's struggling with weight and I guess she knows that regardless of this, she is nowhere near ugly. I hate that she's struggling, and have done everything I can to help as far as meals, pills, nagging about exercise. She want's Lap Band but I refuse to support that because I know how hard that is on a body and she has MS... something drastic like that would totally exacerbate her condition. Ugh, speaking of pills... I've been taking what I bought her. I'm not struggling with weight, but I suppose I was trying to take the easy way out as far as getting my own waist as small and tone as it can healthily be. I feel bleh... is it the pills? Who knows. They're all natural, so that's good! Let's see, I take 4 carb busters, 3 Fuco Thins, and 1 CLA (this is a supplement to the others). Because you must drink a lot of water when you take them, my water intake has greatly increased. Yay, right? I think I have a disorder... seriously. I just want to eat what I want and be happy, but NO... I know way too much about calorie counts in almost EVERY food there is, fat content, what burns fat, what doesn't. I totally freaked out the other night, because I had a piece of pumpkin pie from La Madeline, came home to look up the nutrition information, and could not believe one slice had over 430 calories! I Went right up to get on the elliptical. That's because I'm nuts... yep, I think it's true. Oh by the way, I totally think "ugly" is a personal opinion and some of the ugliest people don't appear to be so because they have the absolute best personalities, and some of the most beautiful people are ugly because they don't bleed... in other words, they're totally cold... mean.

Bikini Wearing: The wife feels people over a certain age shouldn't wear bikinis. REALLY?!?! I am not sitting here trying to get my waist looking nice so I can cover it up when we go on our cruise. Yes, we leave in two weeks for a cruise and I really want to put on a bikini and feel good. I saw at least a 65-70 year old woman at the water park this summer with a bikini on... I was impressed with the fact she was brave enough to wear one, and I want to do it too da**it!

My dogs: I love them. They make me happy. I feel guilty for leaving them for 7 full days. This will be the longest we've ever left them and my little Tallulah takes it hard. We'll be taking a night light to the boarding facility for them. This is not because I'm nuts this time... it's because the wife is :) I'm not the only one who is nuts in our household!

Fear: Okay, fear can be petty at times. I don't want to go on this cruise. Do you know how many earthquakes there have been these past few days? In TEXAS.... seriously?!?! This is part of the reason I'm in a "mood." The earthquakes I mean. They have just added value to my current mode of thought, which I don't want to "talk" about. So, I told the wife that I didn't want to go on the cruise... what if there's an earthquake, what if, what if, what if... you know, I fear the things I cannot control, which is EVERYTHING! Hmphhh...

Okay... enough of this petty BS. I'm off to do my sit-ups because I ate a whole package of saltines (well, I shared some with the dogs) trying to make my stomach feel not so sick. The wife broke my elliptical... I think she did it on purpose, because she hated having it in that window. Then she started saying she broke it because she was fat... ugh! Woman!! They are made for people to get on so they can lose weight. There are muscular men who weight more than her who use these things.... there are way larger people who use them. I'm just lucky she was on it because she was going slow, taking it easy since it was her first time on there. Had I been on it and it had broken like that, I would have gotten hurt, because I go pretty fast. There is a reason for everything. NOW, I need a new one.... now. Otherwise I will be heading out at midnight to work off whatever it is I've eaten that, in my head, I should NOT have consumed.

Presentations... ugh

I've always been one to have major panic attacks when having to speak in front of a group of people. I'm talking "cannot breathe" panic attacks. Then I get sick to my stomach, and have to have ice cold air blowing on my face. Not that the cold air helps, because then I start shivering, and you would think I was coming down with a horrible virus.

Knowing this you would probably wonder why I chose to be a teacher. I chose teaching because I would much rather be around children, than adults who act like children. I chose teaching because I wanted to make a difference in this world. Teachers made a huge difference in my life, two of them did anyway. Two out of the many I'd had over the years. I wanted to be there for these kids, because so many of them needed to know someone actually cared about them. I also chose teaching because for the most part, it was a single-parent friendly career. Meaning, I was usually in the same building as my children, I never needed daycare, or had to worry how they would get home, and I knew their teachers because I worked with them, making me involved without having to constantly volunteer... though I did that too. As a PTA mom, I didn't really like the PTA moms. As a teacher, I LOVED my PTA room mothers.

When I chose teaching, I knew I wouldn't get rich... as long as I made enough money to have a safe, cozy, place to live, a car that was not embarrassing to drive (Look, I drove a ton of junkers and if I was going to suffer a huge college debt, I better at least be able to afford a nice car), and enough to give my kids everything in the world they wanted (which I now know, it was a huge mistake giving them everything they wanted without making them at least do chores), then I was happy. I was happy because I loved my job, and I wasn't struggling.

As most of you know, I haven't been teaching this year, because the wife and I are trying to get our business off the ground. Or, should I say, we're trying to find the ground for our business. I get very frustrated with the whole thing at times, and want to throw in the towel. She doesn't want to lease a space due to the amount of money it would cost, when we could buy for the same cost. It makes sense. Yet, we cannot find a place to purchase... everything is either for lease, OR if it is for sale, the owner is wanting millions, for a beat up piece of crap building. People love their property... I get it. We need to buy a little low because we will need to do a lot to any building we buy to make it perfect for our business. Not only will we need to reface the building we buy, we will also need to buy equipment and supplies... the list goes on and on.

In order to maintain my sanity, and in order to get the word out about our business, I've been doing presentations. I've just completed two for a church, and hope to do more for parent groups and schools. Now lets go back to that top paragraph... the panic attacks... yep. NOT one! I'm not sure if it's because this is something I feel so strongly about, or what, but I get up there and before you know it, two hours have flown by... even when we've had technical difficulties, like today.

The church I presented for today, is HUGE. The biggest one in the city, and they asked me to come talk about a program the wife and I attended. If they had the actual woman who created the program speak, they would have had to pay thousands of dollars... I was free. Now, when talking about someone else's program, you have to be sure credit is given to the creator, author, etc. AND you cannot make copies of stuff and hand it out because there are copyrights. The woman at the church doesn't seem to respect this. The wife does not like this woman. She says her kindness isn't genuine and that she's using me, and I know this, but I'm not there for this woman or the church. I'm there for the parents who come to these presentations, and for their kids. Lets just hope I'm not running into more people like her as I do more of these presentations, because I really do love it. Now if only we could get our business going... 

Such crazy drivers! Who, us?

It's been awhile since I've actually done a normal blog post. With my complaining about Occupy, and my picture blogs full of self-absorption, I actually lost a follower. I mean, c'mon it's not like I have a lot of followers to lose to begin with, ya know? It wasn't anyone I have a running dialogue with, so I guess my feelings aren't hurt too much, but seriously, who am I kidding? People probably see the title of my blog and expect, well, who knows what they expect to read. I do try to be entertaining, which I know doesn't happen when I'm on the soap box about something that's gotten to me.

Tonight, there is no soap box! Tonight it's just a very short, funny story about what happened when we were driving home. The wife, the kids, and I went out to eat tonight in a little shopping center restaurant. We finished up, got in the car, and pulled to the exit driveway in the parking lot. When pulling out of this driveway, you pull onto a four lane road with a middle turning lane that separates the two way traffic. There were NO cars on the road, except a van that was going in the same direction we were wanting to go. The wife proceeded to pull out, into the middle turning lane. Her blinker is on, she was going about 10 mph, if even that, because she was waiting for the van to pass so we could pull in behind it and continue on our happy way, when suddenly, the van... the van that's in the farthest lane from us, honks, swerves, and yanks into a parking lot on the other side of the road. We were stunned. I cracked up laughing immediately, because I had never seen anything like it before. Thank goodness no one was behind that van... they would have hit him. The wife was like "Did he do that because he thought I was going to hit him?" She was still processing... Seriously? We were thinking, "What, is he on drugs or something?" and he's probably going to be talking about how he was run off the road for months to come... but, but we didn't do it! Wow... it's almost as funny as the time I sped past a police officer on the highway, he turned his lights on, I think I'm getting pulled over, and right as I was about to pull off the road, this VAN, yes a van pulls over right in front of me!! I couldn't believe that happened either, and was so thankful for the van... yes, yes I was.

That's all I've got to tonight. Tomorrow will be a long day, but the kids go with their dad, so this weekend will be quiet. I gave the presentation at the church and will be giving a second one Sat. morning, then I have a free two days! Oh and I cannot wait to blog about the presentation!

Have a great night everyone!