Just Two Chicks!

Just Two Chicks!

Followers

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Life is... continued

Well, Bear hit it head on with his comment on my last post, but I'm going to sum it up in one word.

Life is unpredictable.

This has been a rough week. We've lost two people this week who were, in my opinion, too young to pass. I think I actually blogged a while back about the first one. I had only really hung out with him once, but had seen him often at the club. He was thoroughly annoying to me when we hung out... pushing shots like they were water (well, the waiter made mine water because I didn't want to drink any more than I already had), and demanding that I sing karaoke. I was put out, put off... then seeing him with countless women, knowing he had a wife at home, had me forming opinions about him that I really had no right to form, because...

Life is not cut and dried...

I have no idea what his life was like with his wife... and it didn't matter anyway. He passed in his sleep, after a night of drinking.

The other person lost was such a vibrant soul! I loved her. She taught first grade while I was teaching kindergarten. She always had a smile on her face, loved her class, and had a daughter a little older than my daughter. We would talk about so many different things while our classrooms shared recess, and I can still hear her voice, and laugh. She passed suddenly from a heart attack... she was in her mid forties.

Life is not fair...

I cannot imagine that her smile will no longer grace this earth. Much like my young, sweet friend who passed last year, this woman had such a strong life force, and now it's gone. Just like that.

Many people find strength in their faith in God... they say things like "This is in God's hands," or "She's with God now..." I look at the wife, the kids, the people I love, and I think "I don't want them with God, I want them with me!" Selfish, perhaps, but honest. How many people would willingly give up those they love? I will take care of them... I will love them more than anything, so please, please don't take them away from me. I can have all the faith in the world, but I don't want to lose the people I love, and I don't want to be lost to them.

I think my daughter's struggle with death is shifting her faith. Well, that and her boyfriend's beliefs. We've always been a house-divide on some topics, like creationism. The wife and daughter lean more toward creationism, while the boy and I lean toward evolution. We've had lengthy family discussions on this topic. Suddenly, the girl announces that she's beginning to lean more toward Buddhism... well, okay, the wife wants to know why. As she laid out her reasoning, her fear of death was mingled within, but appeared to be the number one reason why. I didn't want to break it to her that it really didn't matter what we believed in, because our bodies, being the biological functioning forms they are, will not go on forever. Science is amazing, but much like cars, things happen... some things we can fix, some things we can't, and sometimes we throw a rod, and that's pretty much it.

Life is scary...

I find the unpredictable nature of life, scary. A few weeks ago, we saw the end result of a horrible motorcycle accident. All I could think, after seeing this man in the road, covered with a sheet, was "Does his family know yet?" He was more than likely trying to get home after work. He got up that morning, got ready, went to work, lived his life as usual, and then suddenly, that life was taken from him, and he was taken from the people who love him.

Unpredictable, scary, unfair, certainly not cut and dried.

The other day I had a doctor's appointment... just a simple dermatology visit, in which she ended up doing three biopsies. Yes, I freaked!! I freaked more so than I did last year when I was going back and forth for mammograms and eventually a biopsy. The wife assured me this is a normal thing... we're getting older. The thing is, I'm not in the sun a whole heck of a lot. On the boat, I'm always driving, so I'm under the awning. The only time I'm really in the sun is when I'm working in the yard. I wonder about the people out here who are SO dark... the wife even!! She needs to go in for sure.

I learned a few things too... the spots she found suspicious just looked like dark freckles to me. SO, these spots do not have to be raised. I also have a small, what I thought was a scar above my eyebrow (I've had it for years). She was worried about that. She said, any time you have something like this pop up for no reason, you need to have it checked. UGH!!! Why didn't I know this stuff? So, now I'm going to be officially freaked out until they call me and tell me I'm okay. I keep telling myself the dark spots were SO tiny, that I'll be okay. This is not something someone with my "paranoid about cancer nature" can handle smoothly. I would pay a lot of money to get same day results if I could.

With all of this said...

Life is meant to be lived...

I'm talking about making every day count... you do this by doing the things that are important to you. Here are the things that are important to me.

1. Loving the people in my life like no one else could.
2. Helping those in need... whether it be lending a hand, an ear, a meal, a room...
3. Being an active advocate for children, the elderly, and animals
4. Having adventures... this doesn't mean we have to go somewhere big. Adventures can happen in your own back yard. I LOVE my evening sunsets...
5. Knowing every single day that I have a so many reasons to be thankful and grateful, and happy... and that it's okay if  I am sometimes restless, or unhappy with something going on, or wrapped up in self- conscious thoughts...

I worry so much about my sad moments, my incredibly insecure moments, my moments of frustration... I worry that these moments will create bad karma, or that God will want to "teach me a lesson." Are these thoughts stemming from my Catholic upbringing? Hmmm.. Seriously, when I feel sad, I literally let God know I am thankful... when I feel frustrated with the people I love, "God, I am thankful..." When I feel insecure "NO really, I'm thankful for my health... I'm just feeling this way right now... " I have a lot of discussions with God about how thankful I am. No one really knows this about me. I guess you all do now!

Anyway... it's time for me to go live my life! Hair appointment, and then something fun. 

7 comments:

Kelli Hale said...

A very inspirational post. Just what I needed to read today! Baby Hale is starting to give me trouble, and I am in a constant state of panic/worry these past few days. Thanks for reminding me that life, while unpredictable is still worth pushing through and something to be thankful for. Sending good vibes your way in regards to your biopsy. :)

middle child said...

I'm thinking your biopsies will be ok. And it truly is best to leave it in God's hands. I also am like you in your #3 thing. I am an advocate for children, animals and the elderly. I have also helped people when they are nearing the end of their lives. I help them be heard. I make sure their wishes are made known and respected. Blessings.

Rob-bear said...

Actually, that's about 1,200 words. But, whatever.

Life can be wonderful and exciting. It can be terrible and brutish. What we see depends on how we look.

I hope that the biopsies turn out well. And, your five points are great!

Hope you had a great hair do and lots of fun.

Blessings and Bear hugs.

Sandra said...

Interesting...we seem to be in the same wavelength. I just posted about prayer a couple of days ago. I have to say, I am so deeply moved by this post, I'm sitting here literally trying not to cry...

Anita said...

You are not alone with these thoughts. I've felt some of what you feel over the years and have dealt with fear. I think all of us have.

I do notice, though,the intensity levels; why some people accept hardships with relative ease and why others display it. The former is probably internalizing big time, maybe?

My husband and I are different in that he takes his worries to bed and loses sleep. I am able to put mine on the back burner so that I can sleep, but will wake up with anxiety.

I don't know that any of us will ever "really" change. Perhaps it's just the way we'e wired and that's just it.

As always, I wish the best for you and your family - mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Anita said...

I just commented. I hope it "took." :)

Chrissy said...

Wow, this was awesome.