I know you guys have read this before, but I am so tired of the judgement people hold over me, because I "don't work." Here's an announcement for all of those who feel I'm using the wife (after this long? really?) because I stay home. First of all, I love her, and would do anything for her. Her happiness matters to me, and I want her to do what makes her feel good. In all honesty, she doesn't want to do anything as far as work. She's put her time in, and made enough to retire on. That's what she wants to be... retired. The problem is, the wife is a "bean counter." Every trip to the store, every payment made toward utilities, or what-not, is another bunch of beans gone from a pot that isn't being replenished with new beans. It's hard to enjoy being retired when you're continually counting the beans. Plus she's got a tremendous amount of guilt because she's retired at such a young age. I see this and tell her she needs to do something, not because it would make me happy, but because I'm hoping it will relieve some of her stress about those beans. Or, does she want me to do something ... would that help relieve her stress?
She wants me here with her... Maybe this is what people don't understand. Could this be everyone's thought process:
Why do you need to be with each other all day? I work, my husband works, our kids go to school, a PUBLIC school. What's the problem with this? Why can't you two live like this? Why are your kids in private school when you're in a great district? Why is she at home, when she's perfectly capable of working? Why are you retired, when you should be starting another business?
First of all, let me start off by saying, we do what we do. We don't think we're better than others because those kids are in a private school. They're there for a reason. The girl had an opportunity to be on drill team, and to be in a small school environment that would hopefully allow her the chance to come out of her shell and make friends, so she can experience what a normal senior high school year is like. The wife loves her and wants that for her. I do too, but ultimately, because the wife IS the one paying for this, it's her decision. HER decision is, and would be respected by me, no matter what she she decided. NOT because she's the one with the money, but because I love her, and I know how she is with the beans. The boy is there for the same reasons. When you have kids who aren't social, and who might have a bit of Aspergers going on, you want to put them in the best position possible to help them succeed in life. For their happiness AND yours, because God help us if they're living with us in their adulthood.
Next, we love being with each other. We've waited a very long damn time, and have both been through hell, to finally find the happiness we both deserve, and we're going to enjoy every last minute of it. Even the doldrum days of laundry, dishes, and kids being pains in the a**es! ALL of it!!
YES, I am capable of working, and I'm degreed to do so in a job that won't ever make the kind of money that the wife made, but would help keep us out of those beans. It would also be a job that would have me gone from 7am until 6pm or later. Teaching is not an 8:30 am, until the kids are gone, kind of job. I was in my classroom until the janitors kicked me out at 9pm, much of the time. Some teachers don't do this, but I did things the hard way. I made sure every child's work was customized to fit their level. I made sure my centers were set up to fit each child's individual needs. My classroom was always busy, and a lot noisier than the others, but my kids were moving around, and learning at their own pace, in ways they understood. This required a lot of change and set up each day. It required a lot of individual time with each student. I wasn't able to grade or teach in an industrialized way the other teachers were trying to get me to do (for my own sake), because I spent every minute of my classroom time with those students.
The point of this is, I would be gone for long hours, and again, the wife wants me here, AND guess what, I want to be here. This does not mean I'm using her. It means I love spending time with her, and I am so thankful for the life we have. I do not, nor will I ever, take it for granted. Like the wife, I've worked my a** off . From the time I was 16, I've worked two jobs to support myself, because I was on my own. I met the ex husband, I worked two jobs. I had kids, I worked two jobs. I got divorced, I worked one main job, and many odd jobs that would allow me to have the kids with me, AND was finishing school. I met someone, I worked full-time, and long hours with no over-time. I supported us when the she lost her job due to layoffs in the newspaper industry. I will not ever, EVER have a retirement fund. Even if I went back to work and worked until I was 65, I won't have it.
So, lets try to change our thinking to this: "Wow, she's given up a lot. What if they end up not making it in the next few years. She won't have anything at all. She must really love her, to give up that little bit of security (because let's face it, a teacher's retirement wouldn't make me rich even if I was working now, but it would be something), to stay home, and take care of her (which is what I do because again I LOVE her). What a huge sacrifice, to think that if they don't make it, she could end up working odd jobs way past the age of 65, just to eat. God help her if her health fails. Then what?" So say I'm using the wife all you want, but don't you think I sit here and luxuriate myself in the grandness of our life.
As far as my business idea... I want this to work and I need it to work. I feel like it will because I have such a passion for it. The wife supports it. I love her for the faith she must have in ME to finance it, BUT should she decide tomorrow not to do it, then I will still love her, and take care of her, and be here, because I don't want her to invest her retirement in this and have it not work. I don't want her to worry over it. The main thing I do not want is for it to come between us. She is way more important to me, and I can figure something else out.
There it is... my rant. I had to get it out. The wife went to bed feeling depressed last night, not because of me, but because she needs to feel like she has the support of others. I hate when she's sad, and I feel guilty for it. It's like when your kids get their feelings hurt at school. What can you do to make it better for them? I don't know. If I did, I would do it. She has a good heart, and she is so loyal... to her family, to her friends. She reads every single one of my blogs, so I'll tell her this... I will back you and support you no matter what, because you are loyal, and you are good, and guess what? I don't expect anything from you, but your love.
Later today, I will post a picture blog of "A Day in Our Life." I worked on it all week last week, and drove the family crazy taking pictures of them. None of the wife... she doesn't want her picture taken. Soooo, that is for later.
Thank you for making your way through this... I love you guys!