Let's start with this...
In case you haven't figured it out, the wife and I are lesbians. This means there is no man in our relationship.
There are are quite a few categories a lesbian could be filed under.
Here are some broad definitions:
The butch: A woman who may or may not have very short hair, dress in a manly, or very athletic manner, wears no make-up, and generally likes to do all the door opening, and other "man" type duties.
The tweener: generally short hair, though not always, can be a bit butch, will wear make-up at times just to stir things up, usually athletic, casual...
The baby-dyke: cute kids, short hair, energetic, some with a chip on their shoulder just in case they're judged, will at times wear make-up, but who knows when, kind of deep, moody. They're generally still between being all out butch, or tweener.
The Lipstick Fem or Fem: Make-up, nails, dresses, skirts, frillies, non-frillies, and of course lip-stick.
Obviously, there is more to all of these definitions than meets the eye, and obviously, I'm giving these definitions for a reason. There is always a reason. I personally don't like the stereotyping, and will never conform to it.
That being said, in certain situations, we unknowingly fall into a role.
The wife and I could be considered lipstick lesbians, although with us both being house-wives, our lipstick wearing has been reduced a great deal... meaning we don't feel the need to wear it for each other while at home. Neither one of us intentionally chooses a role to play, but, by virtue of our personalities, we fall into certain roles naturally. This is usually a good thing because it balances us out.
Examples:
Shopping- I love it, the wife does not. The positive- if we both loved shopping, we would have no money.
Housework- I do the majority of housework. It makes me feel useful, and needed. The wife will help, but doesn't feel the need to do this in order to feel needed and useful to me. The positive- it's my way of nurturing, and since I get help without having to ask, it's not stressful.
Heavy stuff- The wife usually does things that require heavy lifting, or ladder climbing. The positive-I'm clumsy, and not as strong.
Money- The wife takes care of the bills. The positive- I'm happy to leave it to her, and make sure her life is less stressful, and organized in other areas. I don't like dealing with money.
Parenting-Is distributed evenly. Thank God.
Why the natural roles don't work at times:
Romance: Totally all on me, which I find interesting since once in a distant past, I sneered at romance. Now I can be really cheesy and thoughtful. She has her moments, but pretty much doesn't do the romance thing. I like romance... though not too much goo-goo, fru-fru, crap.
Let's go back to shopping. Last week, I went shopping, and was SO excited about it. I had a goal. I was looking for the outfit. I wanted something cute, and different. When you wear work-out clothes most of the time, cute outfit shopping is fun. Now granted, I've gotten some cute work-out clothes, but I wanted something hot!!
Saturday afternoon came along, and I decided I better get ready early. The kids needed to be fed, and I wanted to be sure the wife liked my outfit. I walked out in the first outfit (I bought two just in case), and she just stared at me, mouth open. She didn't like it. "What were you thinking?" She asked. Okay... I can handle it. I was kind of expecting it with the first one anyway. I went to put the other outfit on. Once again, I walked out, and once again she stared. Then she said "Honey, why would you let someone talk you into that outfit... it makes you look big." This comment was followed by her telling me I'm not big, but that outfit made me look that way, and I should wear it if I liked it. Obviously I was going ape-sh*t after her first comment, so the rest of it kind of floated through the air without notice. I then put both in the bag to be returned, and went shopping again, an hour before we had to leave. I don't even know what role she fell into with that comment, though the whole thing was just ugly.
There are times when it's hard being two women in love. The wife and I both have similar goals for how we would like our bodies to look, etc. It makes us self-conscious around each other at times. If she feels "fat," she'll say things like "I'll just look ugly next to you..." Then I feel guilty for wanting to look good, even though I want to look good for her. Then I'm thrust into some type of undefined role... I don't handle that particular role as well as I should. All empathy goes bye-bye.
Anyway... these are the dynamics of how it works in our house... today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I know one thing... it will come with a trip back to Chico's to return those outfits!
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| Of course I'm going to put it in my blog... |
There are are quite a few categories a lesbian could be filed under.
Here are some broad definitions:
The butch: A woman who may or may not have very short hair, dress in a manly, or very athletic manner, wears no make-up, and generally likes to do all the door opening, and other "man" type duties.
The tweener: generally short hair, though not always, can be a bit butch, will wear make-up at times just to stir things up, usually athletic, casual...
The baby-dyke: cute kids, short hair, energetic, some with a chip on their shoulder just in case they're judged, will at times wear make-up, but who knows when, kind of deep, moody. They're generally still between being all out butch, or tweener.
The Lipstick Fem or Fem: Make-up, nails, dresses, skirts, frillies, non-frillies, and of course lip-stick.
Obviously, there is more to all of these definitions than meets the eye, and obviously, I'm giving these definitions for a reason. There is always a reason. I personally don't like the stereotyping, and will never conform to it.
That being said, in certain situations, we unknowingly fall into a role.
The wife and I could be considered lipstick lesbians, although with us both being house-wives, our lipstick wearing has been reduced a great deal... meaning we don't feel the need to wear it for each other while at home. Neither one of us intentionally chooses a role to play, but, by virtue of our personalities, we fall into certain roles naturally. This is usually a good thing because it balances us out.
Examples:
Shopping- I love it, the wife does not. The positive- if we both loved shopping, we would have no money.
Housework- I do the majority of housework. It makes me feel useful, and needed. The wife will help, but doesn't feel the need to do this in order to feel needed and useful to me. The positive- it's my way of nurturing, and since I get help without having to ask, it's not stressful.
Heavy stuff- The wife usually does things that require heavy lifting, or ladder climbing. The positive-I'm clumsy, and not as strong.
Money- The wife takes care of the bills. The positive- I'm happy to leave it to her, and make sure her life is less stressful, and organized in other areas. I don't like dealing with money.
Parenting-Is distributed evenly. Thank God.
Why the natural roles don't work at times:
Romance: Totally all on me, which I find interesting since once in a distant past, I sneered at romance. Now I can be really cheesy and thoughtful. She has her moments, but pretty much doesn't do the romance thing. I like romance... though not too much goo-goo, fru-fru, crap.
Let's go back to shopping. Last week, I went shopping, and was SO excited about it. I had a goal. I was looking for the outfit. I wanted something cute, and different. When you wear work-out clothes most of the time, cute outfit shopping is fun. Now granted, I've gotten some cute work-out clothes, but I wanted something hot!!
Saturday afternoon came along, and I decided I better get ready early. The kids needed to be fed, and I wanted to be sure the wife liked my outfit. I walked out in the first outfit (I bought two just in case), and she just stared at me, mouth open. She didn't like it. "What were you thinking?" She asked. Okay... I can handle it. I was kind of expecting it with the first one anyway. I went to put the other outfit on. Once again, I walked out, and once again she stared. Then she said "Honey, why would you let someone talk you into that outfit... it makes you look big." This comment was followed by her telling me I'm not big, but that outfit made me look that way, and I should wear it if I liked it. Obviously I was going ape-sh*t after her first comment, so the rest of it kind of floated through the air without notice. I then put both in the bag to be returned, and went shopping again, an hour before we had to leave. I don't even know what role she fell into with that comment, though the whole thing was just ugly.
There are times when it's hard being two women in love. The wife and I both have similar goals for how we would like our bodies to look, etc. It makes us self-conscious around each other at times. If she feels "fat," she'll say things like "I'll just look ugly next to you..." Then I feel guilty for wanting to look good, even though I want to look good for her. Then I'm thrust into some type of undefined role... I don't handle that particular role as well as I should. All empathy goes bye-bye.
Anyway... these are the dynamics of how it works in our house... today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I know one thing... it will come with a trip back to Chico's to return those outfits!
3 comments:
Gutsy, informative post. You took a significant risk with this one.
Relationship is tricky for everyone. Likewise dividing up responsibilities. Glad you have the basics worked out.
Blessings and Bear hugs.
I say this as a friend..no one looks thin in Chico's clothing. Just say no.
@Bear- thank you :)
@Chrissy- LOL, you're right.
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