Stay at home slob and lots of craziness

I think I'm going to change the name of my blog to "Stay At Home Slob." I should probably Google that, because there is more than likely some mommy blog out there that is already called that. I love the wit that comes from some of the mommy blogs I follow. I don't follow many of these, because some of them are just silly with their mommy-ness. I like the real ones who can laugh at their faults, and their style of parenting.

Anyway...
This is not about mommy blogs, but you know what?!?! I do believe I could do one of those. I mean, seriously.. look at my kids:

Do they not look well adjusted?:

Last night, we had to run to the store to grab some things they needed for school. They are putting together care packages for war veterans. The boy was supposed to bring rubber gloves, and the girl was supposed to bring light bulbs. The girl, totally taking after me, suggests we also buy duct tape, and the wife added that we should purchase a ski mask too. You may wonder why. We simply thought it would be funny to see if anything would come from us making such an odd mixed purchase. So we go into the store, and the girl actually picks up a roll of duct tape. When I told her to put it up, she says "But why? I want to tape someone's mouth shut!" Hmmm, well, at least she's honest.

This same store trip also led to the purchase of a drink called Neurogasm. The boy thought it would be funny. SO he's sitting in the backseat reading the bottle. "Oh see, I'm over 12, so it should be fine for me to have it... it says it stimulates your pleasure zones." The wife: "I would suggest not drinking that at school." Me: "I would suggest not drinking it during your basketball game." Wife: "He would for sure be able to shoot some baskets then! The boys would be running the opposite direction from him!" Me: "Yeah, they need to wear cups in basketball... those shorts are thin." The boy: "That's not what cups are for..." Thank God we pulled into the driveway right about then. I'm just waiting for the phone call from the school telling me the boy brought his neurogasm to school.

Stay At Home Slob:

I've been in what you could call "crisis" mode as far as this whole food, dieting, not dieting, exercising, not exercising, thing for a good long while now. This week, I started thinking, maybe if I get some better, everyday clothes, I won't feel like such a slob. Yesterday, the wife kindly drove me to the nearest mall and waited in the car while I hit the shops. First off, Talbots didn't have one person shopping in there, customer or employee, that was under the age of 60. I walked in, looked, and left again. Then I went into Chico's. The women working there were about my age, maybe a tiny bit older. The clothes are nice... very chic, without that teenager look. The saleswoman approaches me and sticks with me throughout my shopping experience suggesting things, I personally, could not see myself in. Skinny jeans for instance... oh sure, on her they're great, because she's tiny, petite, and perfect. I tell her, I need a flare leg because I have a natural flare here (pointing to my hips), that makes me look "fat" I whisper. She laughs.... hmmm. I go in to try things on... Her comment "You wear clothes that are too big." I get up to the register, and she looks at the size of the top I originally picked up. "Are you sure you need it this big?" Then she goes to get me a smaller one. She also gets me a smaller pair of jeans. I just let her. Hell, what do I know? I'm in the middle of a midlife crisis, with 10 extra pounds I can't shed for the life of me. I know 10 pounds doesn't sound like a lot, but when you're small, it totally changes your whole body! Oh... Yes it is a midlife crisis. I mean seriously, I'm not going to live to be 100 years old, so 50 is not my midlife. If I'm lucky, I'll make to mid-80's. SO yeah, midlife.

Back to my saleswoman,  she decides she's going to get me all decked out the right way, the next time I come in (I was in a hurry, because the kids needed to be picked up from school). I wonder if she can also make me tiny and petite?

Next post topic: Christmas Tree, Holiday Tree, or The tree of Adam and Eve, and the case of the glock!