I Blog Neurotica!!!

No worries, there is nothing in this post that will make you ill. When you get toward the end, think of your husbands/boyfriends/wives/etc, etc. if you must. Seriously... compare. You'll see no differences.

In this blog post I claimed I was hotter than Melissa Etheridge:

http://lesbianhousewifechronicles.blogspot.com/2012/02/what.html

I'm still saying I'm hotter, but I also mentioned her ex, and said I wasn't sure why they were no longer an item. After the wife read this post, she did a little research. She discovered that Melissa Etheridge left whats-her-face, to be with a woman who was the "best-man" for whats-her-face, in their wedding!!!!

I really feel for these celebrities and their families. I mean, their lives are splashed all over TV screens, and magazines for all to see. Look at Demi Moore. I think the publicity over her failed marriage was actually the last straw, before her self-destruction took a dangerous turn. Then Whitney Houston died in a hotel room. Her daughter suffered a nervous breakdown, and now we have the controversy over the flags. I was wondering why people were posting pictures with military coffins, and some phrase about Whitney Houston pasted over the picture.

In this post I was excited about my biopsy results, but so upset over the death of my young friend: 

http://lesbianhousewifechronicles.blogspot.com/2011/08/friday-august-5th-2011.html

The update here is that it's time for me to get another mammogram. Ugh... I don't want to. Plus, I have boob issues, so I'm just going to tell you what they are, and maybe someone will have some advice. Every month, during "that time"... they get really big. I know this is normal to some extent, but not the extent that it happens to me. The wife is always saying "MY God, that is NOT normal." While I enjoy the benefits of how it looks, I don't enjoy the discomfort. The woman who did my last mammogram, said to lay off the caffeine. I have 1 cup of coffee a day... and sometimes I don't even finish it. I've even recently stopped getting my Starbucks green tea, which makes me think of my young friend. It was around this time, last year, that we moved into our new home, which meant finding a new Starbucks and not seeing my peeps every day. Steph was the one who made me drink the green tea, rather than the black, due to the health benefits. She also tried to make me coffees that wouldn't mess up my stomach. I loved her!

In this post, I discussed the dynamics between women, an outfit I bought, and how the wife told me it made me look big:

http://lesbianhousewifechronicles.blogspot.com/2012/02/lets-talk-dynamics.html

Well, yesterday was Valentine's Day, and this is what she gave me.

That tall coffee cup was full of peanut M&M's...I've been eating them. Then I have a whole other bag. It's on my desk... I sit at my desk to blog. Peanut M&M's are my favorite, along with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Then lets not forget that other box of candy you see in the picture. I've decided she's trying to make me fat. That way, when she says something makes me look big, she'll be RIGHT... pffft.

In yesterdays post, I discussed the wife being sick, and that I would be doing nothing but serving her medicine on a tray full of roses:

http://lesbianhousewifechronicles.blogspot.com/2012/02/love-isjust-kidding.html

Well, this is what went down...
The wife decided we should go out to eat, and since we have a restaurant about 4 houses down from us that we love, it made it easier for her to get out, even though she was sick. I had a chocolate martini, which I thought looked quite photogenic:

Doesn't it look yummy? 

We ate early, came home, caught up on The Bachelor (the wife and girl love it... it stresses me out), then went to bed.

Somehow we ended up in a discussion in which we were comparing sex in the beginning of our relationship, to sex now. In my head, in the beginning, sex was ALL the time, and that was wonderful for me. Then she tries to tell me it wasn't ALL the time. I was appalled that she would say that, and I gasped "What?!?! So, it was horrible, is that what you're saying??" Then she started back-tracking. "No..., no, no, no.. what I'm saying is it wasn't ALL the time, it was great for where we were, and it was a lot, but not ALL the time. Just like it's great for where we are now, and it's not ALL the time." I just sat staring at her. Then she says "See, you're good at turning things around, because I didn't say the words that came out of your mouth, but you're trying to make me think I did." Me: staring.  Now see... here is where she went wrong. She's not really listening to the discussion at hand. She's simply trying to break me of using the phrase "all the time."  She's doing this because when she does something I disagree with, apparently I say she does it "all the time." It doesn't matter what it is... so she hears the phrase, and she immediately starts arguing "it's not all the time," or,  "it wasn't all the time."

Finally, I turned to her and said  "C'mon... let's start having sex all the time, right now. Let's go..."
She looked at me, then said "Oh my God, are you going to blog this??" and I told her...
"NO, people don't want to read about that! I don't blog erotica, I blog neurotica!!" Totally different subjects indeed!! Then I decided this particular conversation was just neurotic enough, and not erotic all!

 Time for me to get going. Have a great night everyone! Hope this wasn't too much to read. I think a Vlog would be so much more entertaining, but I'm too self conscious, and ummm neurotic!