I haven't posted in a few days, so thought I'd pop in for a short, but sweet, post. Well, it won't be sweet, but I'm going to try to keep it short. I'm even doing it in bullets, which is fitting for my mood!!
*We attended a fundraising gala for the kids' school this Saturday. It was so much fun! We rented a limo, and made a grand entrance with 4 other friends. It was a great girls night out for sure. The wife purchased a Justin Bieber autographed guitar through a live auction, and a "Coyote Special" Ruger, which I am very excited about! I think I may change my blog name to Pistol Packin' Mama! Ha!
*The panic attacks are getting worse. Friday night was a nightmare, especially for the wife, I guess. We were on our way back from Fort Worth. It was late, because we had decided to go ahead and have dinner while we were there. With it being so late, you would think there wouldn't have been a traffic problem. Well... there was. A bad one. Apparently they decided to close down the whole freakin' highway one lane at a time. I was okay at first. I got over asap the first two times I was supposed to. When it was down to two lanes, I kind of started to feel a little sick, because we weren't moving at all. As we slowly inched forward, I realized the lane I was in, was also coming to an end, and the people in the last open lane weren't letting us over. I'd hang back, with my blinker on, and they would get as much on the a** of the car in front of them as they could. I lost it. I mean lost it, in true Eminem fashion. The wife was not very understanding, which made it worse... then suddenly, someone let me over, and suddenly, it opened up into the freakin' exit off of that Highway from/to Hell.
The thing with these panic attacks is I hate how they make me feel physically, and I hate how they make me feel when it's all said and done. I need medication. The wife doesn't think I need Xanax because she feels it would render me useless, though she made me self-medicate with a shot of Crown in the limo on Saturday.
I don't think Xanax would hit me all that hard, especially a low dose, because here's the deal... I function at high energy levels most of the time, meaning I can be a bit high strung. When I have a panic attack, my level of functioning moves beyond functional. Usually I can at least hold myself together, but the wife questioning me when she did on Friday night, sent me over the edge... mainly because I was truly at the end of my functional rope. All day today, I've had this "butterflies in my stomach" feeling... anxious for no reason!! Please... oh please Xanax Gods... send me some relief!!
That's all I've got tonight...
The wife's parents are coming tomorrow, the house is a disaster, and I'm wiped out.