Yesterday...

I've been struggling lately... with my appearance and my "importance."

I know, I know... I complain about my teen daughter possibly having some odd eating disorder (she wants to eat healthy, she wants to eat junk, she wants to be a vegetarian, she wants to eat red meat, she stole her brother's scale, she measures out food servings, which I don't even do, she's way too freakin' skinny, I've banned her from cardio exercise), and here I am...

Sh*t I said (Yesterday):

"I'm fat!"
"I'm ugly!"
"Do I look gay?"
"Ugh, I hate my nose!"
"Maybe if we just get me a flipper... you know, the kind they use in Toddler's and Tiara's?"
"I don't feel like doing anything."
"I hate my smile now!"
"You hate me!"
"Leave the bird alone!! Bahhh"
"Maybe I'll read."
"You don't love me."
"I'll watch TV."
"You're ignoring me."
"Did you hear anything I just said?"
"Ugh, I feel like a fat cow, but I just want to EAT."
"Leave the bird alone! Bahhhhh!"
"I want a Ding Dong... omg, doesn't that sound good?"
"What is wrong with my hair???"
"Why can't I make this stuff on my head look right?"
"Ack, static!!"
"I'm so stupid!"
"Pick up your mess"
"I can't think clearly anymore."
"I was listening in on a woman's business meeting at Starbucks today, I want to feel important like that."
"Go do the dishes."
"I want to do this 5K, you ARE doing it with me!"
"Maybe if I buy new clothes?"
"Leave the damn bird A-LONE...bahhhhhhhh!!"
"I'm going back to school."
"I'm getting a job."
"Whose laundry is in the dryer?!?!"
"Me in a classroom again... wait let me get past this panic attack."
"I can't breathe."
"I just want Xanax."
"I need some new running shoes."
"I want to feel smart again."
"I want to have people to do my 5K's with."
"I want my gym..."
"Okay, I NEED Xanax!"
"Oh my God, c'mon people, work with me here."
"I want to travel if we aren't going to do anything else but sit around here, and do this, this... what ever   this is!!"
"Are we living our life to it's fullest?"
"Go to bed.."
"Where are your phones and computers... turn them in... go to bed!"
"I'm going to bed."
"Okay, one more game, then I'm going to bed."
"I love you... more than anything and everything... good night.."

It was a long day yesterday... today is a little better, but I still want to feel important, I still want to do my 5K's with someone, I still want a freakin' Ding Dong, or some sort of snack cake!!

Don't get me wrong, I am so very thankful every single day for my life, for my health (even when I hurt), for my wife (even if our relationship isn't government valid), for our kids (even though they are out of the cute phase, and in the teen phase). I am... but I've got some insecurity going on right now, that probably stems from little activity, and little use of my brain. I don't know how you house-wives of twenty-plus years do it!!!

All Natural?

This post was inspired by a blog I read and love called Absolutely Narcissism, and her post about fast food chicken nuggets as compared to the chemicals in our deodorants and cleaning supplies, though my actions leading up to the event I'm about to tell you about, were inspired by another blog, New Mom ..... New Cancer .

I've been reading New Mom ..... New Cancer, for quite some time. Her journey has been long and difficult. She was a new mom, battling cancer, only to find out her new baby had cancer as well. Her sweet baby didn't make it, but thankfully she is in remission. Her mission, as of late, has been to cleanse her home of chemicals. As I've been reading her posts, I too have been cleansing my home of chemicals, the cleaners and such. Our housekeeper hasn't said a thing, but I know she'll eventually leave me a note to "buy her some damn Windex!" 

Part of my cleansing ritual included buying an all natural deodorant. 

Don't get me wrong, it does it's job, but I don't like feeling the sweat when I'm clean and shiny!

Well, it was Friday night, and we were getting ready to head out to the kids' basketball game, then dinner, then drinks with friends. A full night, and I was so freakin' excited to just DO something!! I did my "getting ready" routine, which includes putting about four different outfits on before settling on one. While I was finishing up the "process," I started to sweat a little. I can sweat, I'm not a big baby. I like to sweat... during workouts and other  physically demanding activities, that is. I didn't want to sweat the whole night though, and my Secret was gone. All I had was my Toms all natural, no aluminum... Ugh! I decided I would go ahead and use the wife's deodorant on top of the Toms.

30 minutes later, we were still waiting for the girl to get ready, and her friends to arrive so we could all leave for the game. I was sitting on the couch, sweating! I told the wife we needed to hurry and go because I had to go to the store on the way out. Of course she was not having any of that. "We do not need to go to the store... you'll be fine. Go use my deodorant." I told her I already did that, and that her deodorant had a scent to it, which I could really smell when sweating (powdery, bleh!) and started freaking out... "Ugh, this feels gross! It doesn't stink, but..." "Oh yes," the wife interrupted, "We can smell you from here!" She was joking of course, but that didn't calm the little OCD fit I was having over the feeling of sweat under my arms. The fit wasn't helping the sweaty situation either. I couldn't take it, and stalked off to the bathroom. The wife  was calling behind me "Just get a towel and dry yourself... put more perfume on... maybe another shirt!" Pfffft! I found my old bottle of toxic deodorant, and dug out the remnants of what was left. Luckily it was enough to get me through the evening... here is the result of going all natural without the willingness to sweat it out. 

Incognito...

Well, I was trying anyway...

It's Sunday, and I usually don't like to do a lot on Sunday. I know I'm a house-wife, and home all the time... I mean, I don't work right? WRONG! I do work around here, so I try to schedule myself as if I'm working. I do my actual jobs during the week. You know... laundry, real cleaning (not just picking up), cooking, etc, etc. Like everyone else, I take weekends (and evenings) off to relax, watch television, and do fun things!

Friday, we took the kids to their high school basketball game, went to dinner, then met our friends for drinks afterward. I love them... they live here in STH (small-town Hell), their kids go to the same school as ours, and they're wonderful. They make the small town not so bad!

Last night we went to a place called Top Golf. I love this place. It's kind of set up like bowling, but it's golf/restaurant/bar combined at a driving range. You have a bay area with a table and comfy chairs, a great menu to order from, and a waitress. You take turns hitting the ball, and can aim for any of the holes you want. Obviously the further the hole, and the closer to it you get , the more points you score. Your points are logged on a screen like in bowling. The balls are computerized, and sometimes your ball won't make it in a hole which means no points for you... other times it may make it in later, if someone else's ball knocks it in... that's pretty awesome if you're losing! It's a lot of fun, and the food is delicious! Not to mention the drinks...

Today we went to see the movie I've been so excited about "One For The Money." I love Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series... and this movie was based off of the first book.  It was way better than I expected, and I would love, love love, a TV series to be made out of these books!

Anyway... we did all of these things, and now the boy is moping around, and slamming doors because he's bored. Really?!? He has an itch to go spend his money and is mad at me because I won't take him anywhere. It's after 6! I swear, nothing is ever good enough for these kids at times.

I had to sneak out of the house earlier to run to the store too... remember, I don't like doing a lot on Sundays, but we still need to eat dinner. So I thought, I would run to the store and grab a rotisserie chicken... easy meal, and somewhat healthy too.

Well, the girl wants to drive us everywhere, but I'm off today, and that means, I don't want to deal with that either. At least not right then I didn't want to... I just needed a quick, quiet, non-stressed drive. So, I waited until I heard her clomping around upstairs. Then I tiptoed into the living room, gathered the dogs, and gave them to the wife. This was so I could make a quick get away. They would have gone nuts as soon as I walked out the door. After making sure the dogs were in with the wife, I quickly (but silently) crept by the stairs, and out the door. I jumped in the car as fast as I could, ohhhhh, but wait!!!... I had to get back out, and look under all of the seats for a "snake check." You see, I've had to have the windows down in my car because of the latte accident. I blogged about that a few weeks ago. I realized how smelly my car was, took it in for a carpet cleaning, drove it for another week, and had to take it back in for a second carpet cleaning, telling them to make sure they get way under the seat because that latte went ALL over... it was literally dripping down the outside of my door as I walked back to the car that day with stuff to clean the mess, and another latte for the wife. Anyway, I digress... I left the windows down hoping that would also help the smelly situation. So I did the snake check, oh and don't laugh! We've found snakes in our house before, and have seen huge ones on our walks to the restaurant. It wouldn't be pretty if one were to wrap its way around my leg while I was driving. You want to talk about ape-sh*t, screaming, shooting the Hell out of the car... yeah, there would be no recovery for the snake or the car. Back to the story: I climbed back in the car, started it, realized I had the radio blasting old school Eminem because that's what I had worked out to earlier "Two trailer park girls go 'round the outside, 'round the outside.." yep, that scared me. I turned it down, put the car in reverse, then realized I needed to open the garage door (that would have been ugly too!), opened it... then off I went. NOT as incognito as I would have liked, but it was the quickest trip to the store yet.

So, my weekend comes to a close... I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend, and I can't wait to see what everyone posts this coming week!

Movement- 2011 Ranger game

These pictures would be really cool if I could get them to post in a way you guys could pull them up in a scroll theme and click on them... then you could see the movement. Oh well... I MUST go be productive now!!

Sunday Morning Ramblings #1

It's really not that early on a Sunday morning, but I'm so completely wiped, that I feel like it's 5 am. Not to mention I still have the curtains pulled closed, blocking out a majority of the sunlight.

It's not 5am, it's 10:30. I should have the curtains open, the dogs should have already been taken out three times, and I should have made the Starbucks run. At least I've got my coffee made. I'm actually considering having another cup (having my second cup now... and it's 11 am). Everyone else in the house is still asleep, but thanks to my boy Cam...

I'm awake. He's into everything, the girls are sleeping, and the bird is thankfully quiet. Probably because I have the curtains closed. If the bird was awake, Cam would be barking at the cage, and I would be throwing our training chain/bags at him, yelling "bah." It should be "bahhhhh," but today it would be half-a**ed.

Callie doesn't feel she gets nearly enough face-time or mention in my blog, so here is a picture of my girl Callie May

This baby is the hardest to keep groomed... she hates being brushed, and always has brown tears, no matter what we feed her, or clean her with. She's a sweet girl, whose lights are not always on. 

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, political... (there are so many articles, but too little time, so I picked the most popular of the week among my friends)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/23/rick-santorum-abortion-rape_n_1224624.html

My thoughts on abortion: If a woman/child is raped she should have a choice. If a woman's life is at stake, she should have a choice. Abortion as birth control should not be a choice, but then we would really need to put more money into our welfare and pregnancy prevention programs. I'm not talking abstinence... lets be realistic, not mighty and pious.

http://www.hrc.org/blog/entry/santorums-wife-equality-advocates-are-bullying?utm_source=social-media&utm_media=facebook

Really? I've felt bullied since figuring myself out many moons ago. I feel bullied every time I turn on the TV, or read a news article.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/25/conservative-parents-demand-school-teach-ex-gay-therapy_n_1231409.html

This says it all...

http://www.newson6.com/story/16593145/oklahoma-senator-wants-ban-on-human-fetuses-in-food

I don't even know what political party this guy is with, but I would really worry about his sanity and the fact that he is in a position of power. WOW!!!

Can I just tell you, the upcoming elections are not something I look forward to. At this point, I'm just ready for the Republicans to choose a candidate, and be done with it. Oh, did you know I wasn't Republican? I know I hold some conservative views, but I hold some very liberal views as well. I consider myself a great balance between good and evil. You can pick the side you choose to be evil. I don't care either way. All I'm saying is when I hear of the antics from Santorum, Gingrich, and Romney, I want to gag. Overall, I want what's best for the country. We need to pull our sh*t together, and get serious about what's going to make or break us, and I'll point out the obvious... gay issues are not tearing our country down. Lets talk about our budget deficit, corporate corruption, international relationships? Let's look at welfare reform one more time. Let's look at a national lottery, in which the profits go to helping balance the nations budget. I mean, WHY not? People from all walks of life play lotteries, because we all dream of hitting it big. So why not create something like this? Can you imagine the monies earned? Although, the money would have to be used for the designated purpose. The Texas Lottery was supposed to help education, but that's all gone to Hell in a hand basket, even though the revenue from the lottery reaches over 1 billion. Crazy money, huh? 

Anyway, I look at these three men, and personally, I think Romney is the lesser of the evils. If he focuses on the country's problems, and not the "personal" preferences/morals/religious beliefs/desires of the constituents, he could make some positive changes. Why can't these people have the balls to say "Hey Right Wing, I know you don't like gay people! Hey gay people, I know you want to get married. Hey black people, I know you guys aren't the only ones on welfare (Santorum and Gingrich have both singled out black people as the main welfare recipients), Hey Occupy, I know you have a number of demands that I'm working on, hey rich people, I know you pay taxes, though others find that hard to believe, but why not let me focus on the country as a whole." Let's ALL focus on making the country stronger, because if we keep going the way we are... divided on the issues that make us free, we will no longer be as free as we are right now at this moment. I don't know, makes sense to me, but who am I to say. I sit here in my small-town bubble surrounded by people I never see, self medicating against mini panic attacks. 

OH, remember I said no one knows about my panic attacks? Well, when the wife read about this, the very first time I posted it ( I think before Christmas), she went ape-sh*t. She stormed around the house, saying she has to find out all kinds of things from my blogs, and that if I don't blog, she doesn't know anything, and that I should go blog THAT right now.... about her rant, I mean. Although, I don't think she really cares to know most of it, because she's way behind on reading this stuff. Boy, I'll really hear it for typing that. Hey, it keeps life exciting for me! 

My other reading includes:

This one I've finished reading, and I loved it. I love books full of facts. Nerdy, I know.

This one will take while to read because it's huge. So far I've learned how birth control pills came to exist, that cats were not always house pets, and how they were able to reach that status, and where the term "keeping up with the Joneses came from."

This was an article in readers digest that I follow religiously. I'm always looking for different ways to energize.

GREAT book. I mainly use it for the meals I make at home, but I know a lot of people use it for when they eat out. If I'm eating out, I'm going to eat what I crave. 

I love this book, although I realized one of my paradigm shifts was two-fold. I saw a guy buying flowers for a loved one at the store. At first I thought "Awww, how sweet!" Then I thought, he could be buying them because he was a big jerk and is begging forgiveness, or he's having an affair and buying them for a mistress. I know,  leave it to me to turn it around like that!!

I've been working on this, which you could consider a good thing, but in reality, my vocabulary is wonderful. You may not know it from my blogs, but it's true. What I'm avoiding is the math portion. The very thing that keeps me from taking this test. :o/

 Okay... I believe I will wrap this up as it is now 12:20, the wife woke up, opened the curtains, I need to make us some food, do a bit of cleaning, then I get to go see my movie "One for the Money!!" I love the books, and like I said in my FB status, I know the movie won't be intellectually stimulating or anything, but if it makes me laugh, I'm a happy camper! What they need to do is make these books into a TV series rather than a movie!!

Yesterday... today

Yesterday:
I flew around the house, as busy as a worker bee. I cleaned, I did laundry, I worked out, I cooked. I read blogs, I read some of my book, I toted kids from here to there. It was great. I even took some pictures for my blog:

This is the baby I posted a picture of yesterday. I thought it would be nice to post one of her not moving :)

This is the baby that is always attempting to crawl under my elliptical when I'm using it. This was my solution to the problem. I put him on one of our tall game table chairs while I worked out. I know, he looks pitiful, but he's safe there. 

These are my newest running shoes. No, I didn't just buy them because they have lots of pink, though it is what attracted me to them. Don't they look brand new? Well, that's because it's been raining, and these things are very slippery in the rain. It's ridiculous. I won't be able to wear them for any of the runs I want to do, because if I hit a puddle, I'll fall my a**.  It's too bad really, but I'm clumsy enough as it is. 

I found a new scent I absolutely LOVE from Bath and Body. Plus if you turn the jar around, the flame is pretty through the blue tinted glass. 

It was pouring rain here, though you can't really see it. My good camera is no longer working, so all I have is my iPhone. Though the zoom is better than it was on the old iPhone, it's still not as great as the one on my camera. Plus, the details are missing!! Oh well, trust me, it was a cold, rainy day yesterday! Just how I like it at times. 

My cheese drawer... don't judge. I took this just because I was darting around the kitchen making sure I had all ingredients for the meal I was going to be making for dinner, and thought, well, why NOT? The wife says I'm a cheese hoarder. Hey, no one complains when they want cheese, No one ever has to say, "We're out!" Cheese is one of the few food items in my house that isn't labeled "all natural... this and my powder creamer... you know, the kind from the good ole' days... Coffee Mate!

Today: I overslept, rushed up the stairs to wake the kids, walked right by that elliptical, thinking "maybe later," made coffee, dressed, didn't have time to have my coffee before I left :( , took the kids, was stuck in horrible traffic because it was raining again this morning (which I love), headed to Starbucks (I get my green tea from Starbucks and the wife's latte. I don't always drink coffee from here because of my stomach issues), then right back home again. I finally had my hot coffee, and a low-fat very berry bread cake thing, and haven't done anything since. I'm now sitting at my desk, trying to compose a wonderfully entertaining post... but my brain is TIRED. It must be the cold and rain, although yesterday it motivated me to be active. Today, I've got nothing.

The lovely thing about texas weather is this:

This was my view when I sat down to post 

This is my view now... 30 minutes later. NO, it didn't take me thirty minutes to do this post. I have to stop in between to throw a dog toy, find a song, look outside, check emails, etc etc... remember... ADD


It looks like today will be a beautiful day!! If it warms up, I'll take the furry babies for a walk. That can be my cardio today, because the elliptical just isn't calling out to me the way it should. 

Movement - A picture

I never really participate in the activities or contests I see in the other blogs I follow, and I have no idea why. Maybe I feel like I'm intruding, even though that's silly. I mean people are public for a reason, right?

This time I'm participating! I follow a blog called Written, Inc. , and every week he posts a new photographic theme that anyone can participate in (just for fun). This week the theme is movement. When I saw this, I knew I had the absolute, most perfect picture e-VER! It's not perfect because of excellent photography skills, it's perfect because of the subject! Here, I present you with Tallulah--

Now THIS little girl can move!!! 

A little bit of everything!!

Wine spritzers with a friend and the wife, grocery store stalked (which would flatter me if I didn't look at every guy and think "psycho!" Too many crime shows on TV, I guess, so please men, don't take it personally), driven around in the rain by a 17 year girl who thinks she knows everything, probably is developing an eating disorder (NOT kidding), and is once again showing signs of bipolar disorder (Diva, I'll be emailing you about this). I'm not sure exactly how that works, but she was fine for awhile, and now she's not again. SO, more wine spritzers for me. I should probably stop self medicating, and go beg my doctor for Xanax... the tiniest dose is fine... just for when I feel the mini-panic attacks coming on. I call them mini, because no one around me knows how I feel... just me. Bleh! Wine... where's my wine? I bought more at the store while being stalked. 

Now that I've got my wine, and the rain is pouring down outside, I'm going to post some questions/answers I found on The Bipolar Diva's blog. I've never done this on my blog before! 

Hopefully you won't be bored to tears. 

How I named my blog. 
My blog actually started out as "The Lesbian Housewife" but never made it to the living blog world with that name. I was too scared people would be turned off by the "L" word. I know, right?!?! Then I decided to call it, Life Perfected. It did make it to the living blog world with that name, but do you know how many blogs there are with that name? There was also a book called that or something. So finally, I sat down, and combined the word "chicks" until I came up with something I couldn't find on Google. I wanted to be different, ya' know? 
What my least favorite exercise is.
Sadly, my least favorite exercise is cardio. It could be because I get up in the mornings, wake the kids, and climb on the elliptical before I can even open my eyes. The heat is on in the house, one of my little dogs is continually trying to kill himself by crawling under me, and I'm tirrrrred!!! Yep... it's cardio as long as I'm stuck indoors. Get me out running, and it's a different story!  

What would my last meal be if I were on death row?
Yeah, I probably wouldn't feel like eating anything. 

11 Random Questions

1. What's your most embarrassing moment?

    I was a teen, and my friends and I were out toilet papering people's

    houses. We were drinking and laughing so hard during one of the

    "jobs," really having a great time. My friend Johhny was running

    through the yard on one side, I was running on the other, and 

    we collided head first, and fell over... still laughing. EVERYONE was 

    laughing. There was that, and then the time I broke my arm at a

    high school lake party, and had to have my best friend drive me to   

    the hospital where my mother was working.

  

2. Why do you live in your current city?

    The wife and I were looking for a home on the water, she decided to

    retire early, and we wanted a good school for the kids (even though

    we ended up putting them back in private). So, here we are in small

    town Hell... seriously. The wife has actually met some normal people

    while playing tennis. I have not managed to do this because the only

    two places I frequent is the store and Starbucks. I do love my

    Starbucks people though!  
3. Did you/Will you have sex on your wedding night?

    Awww, We haven't had a real wedding night yet, BUT you can bet

    there will be sex when it happens. Lesbian bed death is NOT allowed.

    That's when two women get together and stop having sex after about

    6 months, if they're lucky. Nope, I didn't sign up for a sister (the wife

    will roll her eyes at this).  

4. What is one household appliance you can't live without? 

    Um, there are several. I won't name them all, because well, that will

    make me look old and boring. 
5. It's your birthday dinner and you can order whatever you

    want.What is it? 

    I LOVE sushi, and since we don't have a place here in Hell, I consider

    it a major treat when the wife takes me there. Oh, and I love

    chocolate sheet cake with that really sugary icing that has nuts in it.

    You know what I'm talking about?

    
6. Have you ever enjoyed a Captain and Diet Coke?
    Nope... Have you ever had a chocolate candy apple martini? Oh MY!  

    So freakin' good!
7. I should give up ______but I just can't do it yet.

    I suppose I should give up my wine spritzers, but right now, I don't

    want to. I told the wife earlier, that I like this whole having a drink 

    whenever I feel like it. While I realize this makes me sound like a 

    drunk, no worries! I'm still in the clear as far as that goes... I'll let

    you know when I reach the every day, all day, by myself phase.

    Since I'm trying to be all healthy and stuff, that won't happen...

    maybe!
8. Approximately how many pairs of shoes do you own?
    Not as many as Diva, and probably none like hers either... well, I

    have 2 pairs like some she may have, but the rest are cute jean

    shoes,two pairs of cute cowgirl boots, AND tons of athletic shoes. I'm

    addicted to those. Nerdy I know. I'll never be a Dominatrix in 

    athletic shoes. Did you know that at one time, that was listed as

    one of the top paying jobs? I was so all about it until I saw the 

    heels!! 
9. Have you ever sucked a toe?

    Yep, as a kid. Then my grandmother told me I would get a disease

    which I worried about for years to come. I think she may be

    responsible for my OCD. 

10. Do you have a secret talent?
      I am a car singing/shower singing American Idol star, and I can 

      touch the tip of my nose, and the bottom of my chin with my 

      tongue.
11. Are you really answering these silly questions?
      I was! Loved it...  

Back!!

Short break huh?

I couldn't stay away. My goal was to be more productive, and I thought spending less time on the computer, would help me achieve that. I was productive... but felt like I was going in circles. That's my ADD. When I write, I'm totally focused. I may be scattered in my topics, because so many things are running through my head at once, but I'm focused on the writing itself. Make sense?

A lot of things happened, that had me wanting to run to my computer. I love sharing my views and hearing from others. It's kind of like having people to talk to! Remember, I'm a housewife. I don't get out a whole heck of a lot.

Anyway, these are the things I've actually accomplished in my absence:

Several emails were sent to the various organizations I would like to volunteer for, with only one response back thus far. Luckily it's the one that I would love more than anything, but the training doesn't begin until April. So, I suppose I should focus on other things until that time. I get the feeling once I'm trained, I'll be incredibly busy!

I found a local farmers market! I was very excited about this! Buying local and supporting our communities is important!

I registered for the Susan G. Komen 3-day!!! This is something very close to my heart. I've known too many people who have battled this cancer, and had a scare myself the latter part of 2011. I can't tell you how hard I prayed while on that table staring at the ceiling, as they did the biopsy. SO scary, and I am so thankful for healthy breasts!!!

I bought "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I'm reading it, and working my way through the workbook. In some ways I think I've achieved some of the things in this book, through exactly what the author describes as "aha" moments, through life experiences... especially these past few days.

Aha moment 1: Saturday, I took the girl to a store so she could buy herself a new shirt, and whatever else she felt she needed for a party we were going to later that evening. I decided to wait it out in the car so I wouldn't feel compelled to buy these things for her. As I sat in the parking lot, I heard yelling and screaming coming from  a few cars down. There was a man in a truck apparently trying to get this woman to reconcile their marriage. She was so upset. I couldn't hear what he was saying, which I was happy about. I saw her get in her car, and as she backed out, I saw the stickers on the back of her car. You know, the little family stickers, with the mommy, daddy, 3 kids, and dog. I saw the sport decals with the kids' names on them. I saw her pulling away, and the guy in the truck going the other way. Then I saw other people snickering... I don't know why they were snickering. Maybe they were embarrassed. I felt for this couple. I felt for the lives that were being pulled apart, and would never go back together quite the same again. Those feelings of anger, hurt, disappointment, frustration, betrayal... and God knows what else... I wouldn't want to feel those things. This became an aha moment for me as I watched the woman drive away with in her family vehicle with the stickers on the back. Looked like a happy family's car... but she was going through a rough time. We never know what people are going through, no matter how "perfect" things appear to be.

Aha moment 2: I posted a picture to my Facebook page with the caption "You were so busy judging others, that you left your closet open, and your skeletons fell out." Now, I have a ton of people on my FB page who aren't necessarily friends, but are acquaintances, who may not approve of my lifestyle. I was shocked that almost every single one of them "liked" that post. The aha moment here, as ridiculous as this may seem, because it's actually obvious, was that not one person likes being judged. Even those who seem to judge the most.

These moments changed my paradigm: How do I know? On our way to get the boy from his dad's house, I saw a woman pulled over on the side of the road. She was going through the drunk-driver scenario. I didn't judge her... I didn't think bad of her. First of all, I have no right to judge. Second, I don't know what this woman's story is. Paradigm changed.

This is all I've got tonight. I'm tired, and I've got goals to meet. I've started a new regime as far as taking care of myself which includes good sleeping patterns, and good activity patterns. Did you know you should give yourself at least a couple of hours between screen time (computer, TV, etc.) and bedtime?  This is only one of the few things I'm attempting!

Goodnight all!! I'm so happy to be back from my very LONG break ;o)

Thinking...

I think I'm going to take the lead of one of my favorite bloggers... he's hibernating. I wouldn't so much be hibernating, but possibly taking a break for awhile. I've got some 2012 goals to work on. This doesn't mean I won't communicate with you guys through emails, and I'll for sure read your blogs!!

Have a great winter!! Be safe, be happy, and be kind!! 

In Honor of...

Martin Luther King Jr

"Faith is taking the first step...even when you don't see the whole staircase." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."- Martin Luther King Jr. 

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted" - MLK, Jr.

"I have decided to stick to love, hate is too great a burden to bear."
- MLK JR

Warning: The "B" word is used...

I've been thinking.... now don't be scared. I know things happen when I think, and sometimes, they aren't good things, but I can't help it.

Last night we went to dinner at the neighbors' house. I love this particular neighbor. She's the one who suggested the school the kids now attend. Her boys attend the same school. She's quiet, and funny, and has never made us feel anything but welcome, first in the neighborhood, then in her home.

Then we have our other neighbor. She's the one who greeted us the first day we moved in. She didn't come over, she just happened to be outside when we were running back and forth with the movers. I've seen her outside furiously pulling weeds, in some kind of frenzy. She doesn't usually do yard work, but apparently she was bothered by it on that particular day. I've seen her leaving the house, and I've waved even though she totally called me by the wrong name, when all other times, she gets it right. I've seen her yelling at her kids. I've heard her out on her balcony, drinking, and being really obnoxious. She scares me. I'm. Not. Kidding.

She was also invited to dinner Saturday night. The wife, kids, and I arrived first. Then, in comes "Candy..." that's her name here in the blog, and the name I'll call her the next time she calls me by the wrong name. I'm just going to tell you, the whole environment changed when she walked through the door. It was kind of like a whooosh! The air cooled by about 20 degrees, my hair was blowing behind me, and I just stood there speechless. Do you know what it takes to make me speechless. No? Well not a whole heck of a lot. Shock, I guess. Shock over the change that I definitely felt when she arrived. Things settled for a few minutes, we met her kids, we talked to her husband (who I have a newfound respect for), and then it really started.

She is M-E-A-N. She is B-I-T-T-E-R. She is C-O-L-D. She is a B-I-T-C-H. I don't call a lot of people that... but you could see it in her eyes. Her husband couldn't contribute to a conversation without her verbally beating him down. She drank Scotch like it was water, she was the loudest one of the evening, even when laughing. Her laughter wasn't joyful laughter. It wasn't right... She was negative about her religion, Catholicism. She was negative about our town ( I know I am too, but she seems just like a lot of the women who live here. Like she wold fit right in). She was negative about her friend who we bought the house from. She was negative about our kids going to a private school with the neighbors' kids. She talked over us, and under us, and disagreed with most things. The wife said she had never, in all of her business or personal dealings, dealt with someone so brash. Again... whoooosh!

We talked about it, and analyzed it most of the day today. Earlier I said something about tolerance, and how we need to be able to tolerate people, and the wife throws out, "Then you need to tolerate Candy..." I said... "I did tolerate her and I accept her. I know there is no changing that...." She is a b*tch and there is no fixing that. Plus I think we can safely add the word crazy, in front of the word b*tch, and not have it disputed.

I was really thinking about this while I showered... I know right... I think all the time, and the shower is my best thinking place. Anyway... I came to the conclusion that that woman wouldn't like us even if we were straight, purple, and blue. She just doesn't like anything. You would think this conclusion would make me feel better, but it didn't. If I was dumb, I'd go out of my way to make her like me, but I know my limits. I know I can't keep quiet for too long. I know I'd end up losing it if I were around her for any length of time. I can tolerate, but I have a time limit... whooooosh!

On getting better...

**I wrote this yesterday, but couldn't continue because it just ended up being a bunch of babble. My way of getting my frustrations out. I know people don't want to read a rant, so I tried to keep it as "rantless" (I love making up words) as possible. I get the feeling lately, that I'm beginning to sound more like a preacher than a lesbian-house-wife-mommy, but want to assure all of you, I am in no way discussing God as a way to convert others to my way of thinking. I respect all religions and belief systems. I am just finally reconnecting with a God I abandoned long ago, because I was told He hated people like me. Silly me for listening to people... So, this is yesterday's post.

I'm going to be honest... I'm not really up for "blogging" today. I've got a million different things running though my head, and a million different feelings running through my heart. Not the "physical" heart that pumps blood through my body, but the emotional, feeling, messy heart. Yes, that's right... messy. I am so sad right now, that my "messy" heart aches for these kids, for myself, for my family, for those like us, for anyone who has ever been made to feel less than human because they're different from others.

I'm dedicating this post to  Tyler Clementi 18, Asher Brown 13, Billy Lucas 15,  Seth Walsh 13, Raymond Chase 19, Jamey Rodemyer 14, TJ, Samantha, Aaron, Nick, Kevin, and most recently, Eric James Borgess. Eric even made an "It Gets Better" video. "It Gets Better" is a wonderful campaign geared toward bullied children (bullied for being gay, even if they aren't!). I love the campaign, though I wish there were some way to make it better for these kids, right NOW. These kids also need to know...

"It" doesn't get better. We just get stronger, we grow more independent, we rid our personal lives of those who judge us, and we learn who to trust. Or we may become jaded, and maybe we won't trust anyone. I hope this doesn't happen though, because that would be a shame... there are good people out there.

There may be times when we're so happy, we forget our differences, and we forget some people don't like us. We may feel ...  accepted! Then we'll turn on the television, or read something like "The Pope Declares Homosexuality a Threat to Families." These things that crop up, remind us that we're different, and we remember that we MUST love ourselves, and we MUST not let the little things (or often BIG things) hurt us, and we MUST try to move on in our hearts, even when we feel defeated, or hurt, or alone.

Every time someone takes their life because they feel less than human, a sign goes out to others, saying we weren't meant to exist... a sign for all to see. The most pious, nod their heads, saying "They chose this life. They chose this path." The vulnerable, bullied, closeted, struggling ones... the kids, the teenagers... they see this as proof that this is the only way out.

We didn't choose this path, not anymore than the black person chose to be black or the Jewish person (I'm sure I could come up with many more examples of differences, but I'm tired) chose to be Jewish (well, unless they converted, another story). Nor would the black person or Jewish person change who they are, to be more "pleasing" to others. This is who we are, inside and out, and we can't continue to allow others to push us down this path of destruction. Too many people, who could have done something special in this world, are gone because of the ugliness that surrounds us. The ugliness that comes in the form of the girl scout, the boy scout, the Pope, the politician, the teacher, the people in our everyday life, who surround us in a cloak of judgment. The blood of innocent people/kids is on their hands. I wonder if they ask God's forgiveness each time someone takes their life due to the homophobia they spread. It weaves through our country, our towns, our schools, our homes, our churches... wrapping it's tendrils around the most vulnerable, until they can no longer breathe... until they feel being with God is much better than being here, on this earth. I certainly hope these people who use God as their pedestal, on which to stand and preach hate, ask for forgiveness... on their knees... begging for forgiveness, for the evil that spills from their mouths and hearts, in His name.

We are not the ugliness in this world, we are the colorful, the unique. How do you teach this to a child? A child, who from the beginning, is different. How do you protect that beautiful, unique child from the ugliness in this world? Because it doesn't get better, we just get stronger.

It happened

What happened? A calm morning? A sleep-in (as in not having to get up early)? A natural disaster, a man-made disaster? Nope... none of that. I'm exhausted, the morning hasn't been calm, and as soon as I started typing this, one of the dogs started barking. Thankfully no disasters of any sort have disrupted me, at least I don't think what happened is a disaster. Not yet anyway.

I had to go into the kids' school today to enroll the boy for another year. The girl is graduating this year (OH yes... I have a college bound teen), so it will just be the boy for the next four years.

I was in the office filling out the paperwork, though not nearly as much as last year, because he is a returning student. I loved that, but the woman doing my paperwork this year, was different from the one who did it last year. She knows me when I come in, says hi, calls me by my name, etc, etc.

I guess this is why she was somewhat confused. She said, "Can I ask who this is?" Pointing to the other name, I looked down, looked back up at her and said, in the best offhanded way I could muster, "That's my partner." Last year, I said "That's the kids' step-mother." That statement flustered the woman last year, way more than what I said this year, to the new woman I was dealing with. Then I screwed up my new year goal of being proud of who we are, and what we have, by adding "But, we don't tell people that." I'm not really sure why I added that, except that I didn't want her to get all excited and start bombarding everyone with this newly acquired information, that probably confirmed a suspicion they've all had anyway.  Though the wife and I attend the events, and volunteer, we have more contact with the kids rather than the adults. This is why she wouldn't have known the wife. Anyway, back to why I made that statement to her.You must remember: small town/small private school. The kids have always been great with their life, but this year, the girl has been more self-conscious. Remember some of the kids pray at lunch. Some are very religious.::sigh::

I don't like that the girl views a person's faith as being an obstacle, as far as accepting that we are all different. An obstacle that prevents you from unconditionally loving your fellow human beings. I can't change that for her, because sadly, history, and the daily news, prove her right. It's very hard to raise your child to love God, without seeming like a hypocrite, but in all honesty, who is the hypocrite? The person who beats down those who are different, and tells them God hates them, or the person who loves God unconditionally, and knows in their heart, that God isn't hateful, and that God even loves the person who feels righteous enough to speak for Him in such hateful and judgmental ways.

The boy doesn't believe anything at all. I take some blame for that, due to my own negativity toward religion. It took me some years to realize, I needed to fear the followers of God, and not God himself. The boy is a very literal person though, and needs strong facts. When he was younger, I had to tell him he wouldn't get presents from Santa Claus if he didn't believe in him. I mean, Santa brought the best presents! He still says he believes, just to amuse me. I obviously can't do that as far as God, but I hope for happiness and peace in his life, and that he will eventually believe in something... perhaps himself! That would be a wonderful place to start.

Eh, enough of this talk. I'll tell you it's a regular soap opera at their sporting events. The exes come and sit as far away form each other as possible, with stone-faced expressions. I think they should do pat-downs before they allow us into the sporting events, just in case someone is feeling extra crazy that day. At least when the kids' dad comes, we all sit together and talk. Hell, life is too short to "hate..." anyone!!

How about you guys... does the word "hate" exist in your vocabulary? I read an article on "haters" recently. For all I know, I may have already blogged about it, and quoted it (by the way, I'm always so impressed with those bloggers who can bring up a topic, and then link you to a previous blog, maybe from years ago, which relates to what they are now posting). Anyway, I loved the last sentence of this story. It was asking "What ever happened to the words "I don't like?" Hate is a strong word, and you must understand the consequences of the words you speak, because someone is always listening.

I'm guilty... "I hate traffic!" "I hate people." Oh yes, this is my favorite one. Let's just say, as social as I am,  and as much a I love people, I also have a strong dislike for some people in general, due to their inconsiderate ways, thoughtlessness, lack of compassion, empathy, sympathy, and for "hating" me when they don't even know me. I once told the wife (this is in another blog, that I cannot even possibly link you back to), that I would love the superpower of blinking some people off of the face of the earth. It wouldn't hurt them, they would just go poof, to another existence, in which I would not have to suffer their brutal ways. Especially in traffic!!

No one should take this personally... I'm a lover, not a fighter. I just have a bit of a fight in me once in awhile, when I'm "riled" as the wife puts it, and right now I'm "riled." Four more years... I hope they will grow to love us in that time. It's unfortunate I'm the kind of person who feels the need to be accepted by all. How about that? Anyone have any input on that? Am I the only one who is crazy like that. Crazy, because my age dictates that I should know better.

Okay... time for me to go! I've a lot to do. The morning is gone, and I can't let the afternoon get away from me too! Have a safe, wonderful Friday 13th, 2012!!